UnNews:Bush: claims of a preemptive strike against Iran wildly off the mark

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11 April 2006

The Bush administration is playing down reports that a wave of MOAB's dispatched by B-series stealth bombers are intended to reach Iran.

Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld claimed that “Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns”

When asked to clarify his statement he replied "No, we presume that you envisage that we conclude that you expect that we surmise that you believe we comprehend what we need you to know we know. Some things may have happened, other things may not have happened, some things which were to have happened may or may not have happened other things which were not to happen may or may not yet have happened and that......." (his press conference now continues into it's seventh hour, ed.)

President George W Bush says the reports are "wild speculation, if we wanted ta go pissin off Persians we'da dusted off them nookeler opshuns"

"Which we haven't, promise ya Ahmadinejad, scout's honour, no fingers crossed or nuttin"

"Hell no, we're gonna go an hit them.... um..... Saudis. Nobody, I tells ya folks, nobody has gone an gotten themselves lost on the way to Mecca. I know what I hear here in Washington is [that] force is a means prevention, [but] it doesn't mean prevention, necessarily. In this case it means diplomacy," he said.

The Long Hadj Goodbye

The European Union's foreign policy chief, Javier Solana, says reports of military action have nothing to do with reality and has asked if all practising musselmen would report to their designated assembly camps areas.