UnNews:Bush: Peaceful Iranian resolution "boring"

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We have met the enemy, and he is us

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UnNews

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Sunday, December 22, 2024, 03:25:59 (UTC)

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8 April 2007

Washington DC - Today in a press release President Bush announced that a peaceful resolution in Iran would be far to boring for the American viewer. The reality TV show titled "Jihad in Iranistan" recently began to air on Fox and its subsidiary networks. The reality TV series follows the details of events occurring in or revolving around Iran. President Bush a prominent investor in the show believes "The American viewer wants action, guns, violence. They don't want no pussy talky bullshit! Just look at Iraq. Every night families tune in all over the 50 states just to hear about car bombings and death counts! Iraq is a cash cow in more than just oil."

President Bush hopes that once conflict in Iran has "taken off", the ratings for the new TV series will sky rocket. "No one watches TV to hear people do the talky! Why the *obscenity* do you think C-SPAN is so boring? Now if we could see a decapitation or two and a Bill Clinton sex tape every now and then, well *obscenity* I'd even watch!" Bush furthered his comments by saying "Well *obscenity*, if this works out as well as Iraq, then why not get a North Korea going as well? Hell why stop there? *obscenity* Canada! *obscenity* Canada right in the *obscenity*. Them maple syrup loving, hockey playing yokels need a good *obscenity*."

Further in the press release Bush began to contemplate talk on spin off series "*obscenity* if survivor can do spin offs why can't I? I never really liked Tony Blair much anyways.." Bush later concluded the hour long press release with his newly devised platform on gophers and a long series of obscenities.

Sources

• Tony Cancer Snow "[www.whitehouse.gov/pressrelease/moron/obscenity Bush talks on plans for reality TV series]". White House.gov, April 08, 2007