UnNews:Astronomers Drop Pluto After Erratic Behavior

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UnFair and UnBalanced ✪ UnNews ✪ Tuesday, November 5, 2024, 14:22:59 (UTC)
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24 August 2006

“Farewell, my favourite one *sobs*”

~ Oscar Wilde on Pluto

“So, you're not a planet any more, huh? and what about Uranus?”

~ Mickey Mouse on Pluto

“Good riddance!”

~ Neptune on Pluto

“I swear, I only inhaled!”

~ Charon on Pluto

“Be nice if I got some f****** attention, people!”

~ Mars on Pluto

“I am not amused.”

~ Queen Victoria on Pluto

“Quit your bitching. At least you weren't blown up. Leia saw the planet that her "father" was on get blown up not realizing that her real father was standing right next to her.”

~ Alderaan on Pluto

PRAGUE, Czech Republic- The International Astronomical Union and Pluto called an end to their 76-year relationship on Wednesday as the chairman of proceedings took a parting shot at the former planet's recent behavior.

Are they or aren't they?

"As much as we like Pluto personally, we thought it was wrong to call it a planet," Jocelyn Bell Burnell told the Wall Street Journal in an interview posted online. "It's recent conduct has not been acceptable to astronomy. It's two-body relationship with Charon - is it or isn't it a double planet system? And what's with its orbit? It keeps nosing in on Neptune. Pretty soon that's goning to come to a head and it won't be pretty."

Nicky Hydra, the planet's spokesperson, struck back at Burnell, calling her comments about the 18th-largest object in the solar system "offensive" and "undignified."

"Whatever remarks Ms. Burnell would make about Pluto personally or as a planet have no bearing on what this business issue is," she told UnNews. "There must be another agenda that the astonomers have in mind to take one of their greatest assets and malign it this way."

Rumors of a proposal to require the Walt Disney company to pay a licence fee to have Pluto redesignated as a planet have not been confirmed at press time.

In other news, a plutocracy has been downgraded to a dwarf government.

Sources[edit]

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