UnBooks:Sherlock Holmes Mini Mysteries
In This Book, you follow the tales of 4 of Sherlock Holmes' Many Mysteries! It's so fun it's even better than the popular Nintendo Machines! Best of all, You can guess how the mystery will end! That's right! You get you use your Smart Developing mind! The Answer to the mystery is blocked out so that You can guess how the mystery was solved All by yourself! No Parents, No Stupid School Teachers and No Silly Babysitter who tells you to go to bed at 8PM! No! You get to rebel! 8:15! hah! That will show her! Enjoy.
The Mystery of the Decapitated Man on the Hill[edit]
Watson and Holmes were strolling joy-fully through the Middle-view Park near the Palace, When they noticed Ronald Beckham, He was lying on the hill. They ran up and noticed he was without a Cranium. "Ah Watson, By my Mental calculations Mr. Beckham was born at 12:31:06:59 on June 9th 1888 to Mr and Mrs John and June Beckham, his blood type is A and he only has one testicle." "Amazing." "Elementary My dear Watson." "What?" "Oh My God Watson you're so annoying, Shut up! GOD!" They looked at the Body more. "Sherlock, I think someone cut off his head." "With a 16inch Wood saw bought at Mcflannigans on the corner of Firth and Forth 12 hours ago?" "Amazing, Yet again." "SHUT UP, GOD WATSON."
After the Police had gotten there, Sherlock was still examining the Body. Watson looked over the yellow police tape and said "Anything I can do to help?" "FUCK. You know what?! You can go wait in the Car!" "What?" "Go! March Over there! Think about what you've done." "Shit. When I turn 18 I'm Leaving."After the Ordeal, an Officer picked a business card out of Beckham's Wallet, "The Little Italia Diner..." The Officer said. "The Diner where Beckham would go everyday, Popular for prostitution and Opium." "I know who killed Beckham."
Now it's your turn! Guess who killed Beckham and than check to see if your right! If you're wrong, that's okay! Every makes mistakes sometimes! Even Jesus!
"It was his Daughter, Melina Howard, Beckham's Wife divorced him 3 years ago and took Melina, Beckham's Wife was murdered 5 months after and Melina has been waiting for the moment to take her revenge on the man who she thinks killed Her Mother. So She became a Whore at the Diner and watched her father and learned his route to figure out the perfect time to kill"
"How did you know all that Sherlock?"
"Mind enhancing drugs my Dear watson."
"What?"
"WHO THE FUCK LET YOU OUT OF THE CAR!?"
The Child-Murder-Rape[edit]
Sherlock was at a School Trying to pick up hot teachers, He told Watson He'd be back in a minute. He left for 10 minutes, came back and waited about 7 minutes before saying;"Watson I got to piss." "So?" "WHAT THE FUCK?! ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY!? MY DICK WON'T SHAKE IT'S SELF YOU ASS." The two went into the washroom to find a little boy who had been strangled, Sexually Violated, Limbs dismembered and with a large Knife impaled in his chest. "Hey Watson, Dare me to Piss on it?" "Did you take your Mind enhancing pill this morning?" "Well.... No." "Shit." "LOL Shit." "What?" "STFU."
They looked at the body for a minute and called the police. Upon arriving, They looked around and heard everything from Watson, They inspected and said "We know the killer." and Sherlock replied "WHAT THE SHIT!? WITHOUT ME!?"
Don't laugh kids! This could happen to you if you don't eat you veggies and pray to Jesus!
"You Raped and killed this little boy Holmes." "WHAT?! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!" You left the hall way and went into the washroom, When a child came in you grabbed him, ****** him ********* him around a bit with a ***** posted it on your blog and ******* him just to finish off." "I know how that child felt — Sherlock has raped me too!" said Watson, while crying. "You're going away for a long time boy." "NEVER!" Sherlock screamed as he initiated the bomb.
The Murder at Baker Street[edit]
One day, Watson was reading a novel and Sherlock Holmes, the famous detective, was snorting on his crack pipe. There was a knock at the door — it was their landlady, Mrs Hudson. Holmes immediately ran at her, shouting "DIE, FIEND!", and drop-kicked her down the stairs.
"Holmes, you must stop doing that!" exclaimed Watson. "Oh, nonsense," replied Holmes, "First, I can't shoot stray cats in the street with your service revolver, then I can't rape our female clients, and now I can't even drop-kick our old cow of a landlady!" By the time Holmes' sadistic rant was over, Mrs Hudson had recovered.
"A Miss Donovan to see you, sir!" she wheezed, coughing and spluttering. Holmes immediately began making suggestive hip movements. He stopped when a woman in her 20s entered, wearing a pink dress.
"What brings you here, Miss Donovan?" asked Holmes. "Well," she replied, "I've nowhere to stay while my house is being fumigated, so I was wondering if I could stay here for the night." While she was saying this, Holmes was lying on a skateboard, trying to wheel in between her legs. He had just reached a good position (as was evident from the relaxed smile on his face) when he exclaimed loudly, "WHY, OF COURSE!!". This gave the young woman such a shock that she fainted, collapsing onto Holmes.
Watson then left to buy a box of cigars, and Holmes never spoke of what happened in the hour he was gone. When Watson returned, the young woman was sleeping in Holmes' bed, and Holmes was masturbating furiously in his armchair, with his pipe between his lips.
"Holmes, stop that!" said Watson, placing the cigars on the table. That night, Miss Donovan slept in Holmes' bed, and Holmes slept in his armchair. At approximately four in the morning, a loud scream was heard — Holmes and Watson both rushed to the scene, where they found their guest had been stabbed.
Since it was neither of them, Holmes cleverly deduced that their elderly landlady, Mrs Hudson was the culprit.
They handcuffed her, and called the police. Inspector Lestrade promptly arrived — he checked the CCTV tapes and found that Sherlock Holmes had conceived a contraption to drop a knife onto her from his armchair by pulling on a piece of string. When Lestrade announced this, Holmes screamed "You'll never catch me!" and vanished in a puff of smoke. Once the smoke cleared, they found him passed out on the floor where he had been standing — the smoke had come from his crack pipe.
The Adventure of Ray Pist[edit]
One day, a man came to visit Baker Street. He said that the police had arrested him on suspicion of not very nice things just because of his name.
"Well," enquired Holmes, "what is your name?"
"Ray Pist."
By the time Holmes and Watson had finished laughing, it was night, and the sun had set. "Here, Mr Pist, have a snort on my crack pipe," offered Holmes.
"No thanks," replied their visitor.
"But, how can you possibly get through life without mind-enhancing drugs?"
"I am in a hurry, and since you have already wasted six hours of my time laughing at my name, I would like you to help me with my problem."
"I think I know who the rapist actually was," said Holmes.
Can you guess?
Holmes ripped up a floorboard, revealing a man crouched underneath it. He proceeded to explain that he had deduced that the rapist had deliberately incriminated Ray, and had followed him and hidden under the floorboard. When asked how he had deduced this, he simply responded, "Your mother!".
It's okay if you were wrong, although to be honest, it was pretty obvious. Now, back to your Bible-worshipping, children!