UnBooks:My sojourn/Chapter 3

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He kinda looked like this, but with a fucking red nose.

If I live to be a hundred, I'll never forget how I was almost raped by a reindeer. I mean, dude, that thing was huge. Like, WTF?

What's that? You've never heard this story? Well, pull up a fucking ice block and lend an ear.

So there I was[edit]

doing scientific research at the fucking North Pole, studying snow and shit with expensive tools, right? Like, real National Geographic shit.

and this fucking reindeer[edit]

comes out of nowhere and shines a goddamn red light in my face. I shielded my eyes and saw the light was coming from his nose. It was pretty fucking shiney. I would even say it glowed.

Then the freak starts prancing towards me.

so I pulled out my[edit]

knife and tried to stab the motherfucker, but he leapt ten feet in the air. Then he sorta hovered for a few seconds. I shit you not.

But that isn't the weirdest part. Soon as he came down, he tried to hump me! WTF?

Then I hear a deep voice from a distance call out, "Woah-ho Rudolph! That isn't Clarice! Ho ho ho, then go!" and then this gay little midget grabs him by the collar and runs off.

I barely got away with a major sinistral external abrasion and a severed brachialis radial.

No, seriously. I couldn't have been that high.

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