United Republic of Greenlandic Icelanders
| Flag | 
| |
| Official languages | Icelandic, English | |
| Capital | Reykjavik | |
| Exports | Puffin meat, whale blubber nuggets, geothermal wastes | |
| Most Famous Citizens | Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, Nicholas Surname, Chuck Norris, Queen Latifah | |
| Current (Provincial) President | Svava Anna-Lena | |
| Current Vice President | Evangeline Evans | |
| Current Secretary of State | [Unoccupied currently] | |
| National Pastime | Foosball, Luge, Geyser-watching | |
| National Bird(s) | The White Bengal Tiger-Slaughtering Humming Bird | (!!!) |
| Motto | "Welcome to the URGI, how may you help us?" | |
| National Flower | Forget-me-nows | |
| Countries of origin | Iceland, Greenland, and the United Kingdom | |
| National Vegetable | Eggplant |
The United Republic of Greenlandic Icelanders (URGI) was a country made in the heat of a political conflict between the likes of Hillary Clinton and her cohorts, and a group of 3 people with their random allies. Part of a masterminded scheme of Hillary Clinton, it is a fusion of the countries of Iceland, Greenland, and the United Kingdom. The capital of the URGI was at Reykjavik, in former Iceland. Some other major cities in the URGI are Dublin, London, and Godthaab. Most of what takes place in The Epic Saga is in Reykjavik. There have been speculations after the fourth book that the country had reformed itself into the URGSI, or the United Republic of Greenlandic Swedish Icelanders, after the country of Sweden played a major role in the outcome of the final story; however, Sweden is a separate principality from the URGI. Also should be noted: although the Arctic Circle was almost part of the URGI, it was never officially annexed, due to President Palin's death.
Map of the URGI[edit]
The following above shows an accurate geographical map of the United Republic of Greenlandic Icelanders. As noted previously in the summary, note that Sweden and Illyria are not part of the URGI; they are separate principalities of their own. Also note that the Arctic Circle is not part of the URGI either.
Currently, there have been many thoughts concerning the status of the Svalbard Archapelego. Although many criminals are exiled there, the URGI holds no sway there (I mean, who would ever want a chain of large icicles?)
Hillary Clinton, 1st President of the URGI[edit]
Hillary Clinton had a marvelous plot to rule the world. With her team of oriental geneticists, she showed and displayed her force and prowess by genetically altering innocent animals and 24 fans convicted of petty crimes. One of her most grand creations were sperm whales, who had hydrogen-filled flight bladders, which happens to be lighter (and more combustible) than air, allowing them to fly. Unfortunately, the whales flew away since hydrogen is lighter than air. However she got plenty of support from the Communist Party, due to her color choice in suit jackets and pants. As a rebellious show of force, a giant gang of vampire opossums, spear-headed by the charismatic Barack Obama, proceeded to commit violent crimes of terrorism. After being pursued, Hillary Clinton finally was detained and eaten; thereby killing her (the first time). After her first death, she was removed from office.
Sarah Palin, 2nd President of the URGI[edit]
A slightly less maniacal, yet still horrible, president of the URGI, Sarah Louise Palin took office almost immediately after Hillary Clinton's first death. She had quit the Republican party and had joined the Green Party. At first, she showed signs of a poor sense of coordination, and was almost but not really expected to be the first good President. Unfortunately, she took her Green Party affiliation to a whole new extreme. As a sign of good will, and to save the dwindling polar bear population, President Palin's first line of action was to annex the entire Arctic Circle by force into the URGI. Unfortunately, she was simply playing under the ploy of the reincarnated Hillary Clinton, who really wanted the Arctic so she could have plenty of land to build several hundred nuclear silos and nuke North Korea. After being beaten at a bass-fishing contest against a boy and girl from Vermont, Palin fled to a manor in the interior of Iceland. Meeting up with her master, Hillary Clinton, she continued to plot, until they were both defeated and killed by the Vermonters, and their combustible exploding whale.
Queen Latifah, first Empress of the URGI[edit]
Queen Latifah has a short yet powerful reign in the URGI's history. She is the first black woman to take office in history (nobody counts Africa, anyways). She ruled for 2 weeks, in which she made several holidays, such as National Kill Jack Bauer cuz' he Sucks and is Old Day, National Worship Queen Latifah Day, and, most praised of all, National Watch Jurassic Park Day. Her idea prior to National Watch Jurassic Park Day, National Marie Antoinette Appreciation Day, was quickly disapproved by the populace. When Katie Couric asked on her inspiration for this holiday, Queen Latifah responded by saying, "Oooh, girl, it's time we recognize a strong woman figure in history, ya'll!", in which she proceeded to doing the pissed-off black woman snapping routine. Her snapping was so severe and so hostile, it sent Katie Couric to the hospital, where she lost control of her facial expressions (explaining her plasticity on CNN). The UN then impeached Queen Latifah, yet left her holidays unabolished.
Nicholas Surnameson, 3rd President of the URGI[edit]
After the huge events following the showdown between the first two presidents and a group of children and a giant flying whale, the URGI held their first election, in which they elected the extremely Asian Nicholas Surnameson to be their 3rd President, and having Svava Anna-Lena, a native Icelander, to be his Vice President. In his cabinet, President Surnameson chose Dante Bourne, Justin KonMan, and Alex Atwater, all local residents of the new URGI, to serve as advisers. Libra Woods was then elected as Secretary of State, Deidre Greenfield as Secretary of State in the Octogon, and Dan Ho as CEO of NASA, the National Academic and Scholastic Agency. He was the third President of the URGI, and began negotiations with neighboring countries in an effort to right the wrong the previous leaders have committed, especially to the countries and principalities of Sweden and Illyria. He is also the one who quashed the Weylin Rebellion and outlawed the name "Preston Buckley".
Svava Anna-Lena, 4th President of the URGI[edit]
After settling things down in the URGI and quelling the rising intensity of the a civil war against Weylin Radbourne, Nicholas Surnameson turned his sights on stopping Hillary (for the fourth time), because Hillary, after killing off everyone else important, became President of the United States of America. He formed a world summit meeting, inviting world leaders (except her Cankle-ness), ranging from Socialist Canadians to lead-poisoned Chinese people, in hopes of impeaching the evil Blonde One. So, he set up a tidy meeting in Barcelona, in which he went up on stage and was shot twice. Seeing as the shooter had a good vantage point, and Dennis Quaid wasn't there to save him, Surnameson was sent to the hospital in critical condition, where he was killed by his Secretary of State, Libra Woods. Svava Anna-Lena then took office. She is the first Nordic president in this Nordic Country. She established blood-banks around, and declared October 4th to be National Explode Whales/Mail-Boxes Day, in celebration of nothing. She is the first sane woman to take office, and she hasn't made a political blunder (yet).
Nicholas Surnameson, 5th President of the URGI[edit]
After returning to life due to the magic power of the Emerald Tibia of Shangri La, Surnameson returned as President, being the only President to be President after suffering from death, a chronic illness that has a 100% fatality rate. He, in conjunction with the UN, banished Libra Woods to a hardware store in New York City. Svava Anna-Lena resumed her role as Vice President, and Evangeline Evans took Libra's place as Secretary of State. Hillary was then impeached, just like her husband, Bill Clinton.
Svava Anna-Lena, 1st Provincial President of the URGI[edit]
After Hanna, an alien that arrived to earth on flying whales came and created the five regions of earth (Amera, Hispania, Eurasia, Africa, and Australasia), she appointed Nicholas Surnameson as the Regional Magistrate of Eurasia, leaving the URGI presidency to Lena once more. However, with the regions in place, individual countries were reduced to mere provinces; therefore, Lena is actually Provincial President, with Evangeline Evans as her V.P.
Executive Positions[edit]
At first, the only position available was President, and this position was abused with the first two presidents. When Pres. Vergara came in, he established a clear order of cabinet members.
- President
- Advisor
- Secretary of State
- NASA CEO
- Bodyguard
This elite group of Cabinet members help assist the President whenever he is in need of help, or if they do not agree with something that the President does.
Federal Agencies of the URGI[edit]
- NASA (National Academic and Scholastic Agency)
- FAA (Federal Association of Aliens)
- The Octagon (Association of Defense)
- Pear (Computer Company)
- Macrosquash (Another Computer Company)
- NCAA (National Committee of Adolescent Abusers)
- CTU (Committee for Torturing Unicorns)
- ABWUM (Association of Bashing Weylin's Ugly Mug)
- IGT (International Guild of Telemarketers
- NCDI (National Cinematography Division of Iceland)
- PWH (Pyromaniacs of Weylin's Hair)
- HDBWH (Heroes Dedicated to Burning Weylin's Hair)
- NAIWH (National Association of Insulting Weylin's Hair)
- WHHB (Weylin's Hair Haters Bureau)
- AKWA (Anti Keith and Weylin Agency)
- ABFP (Association of Bodyguards For Presidents)
CEOs of the Federal Agencies[edit]
- NASA: Dan Ho
- FAA: Morgan Viger
- The Octagon: Deidre Greenfield
- Pear: Martha Motherboard
- Macrosquash: Phil Bates
- NCAA: Anna Heiser
- CTU: Preston Buckley
- ABWUM: Alex Atsomewater
- IGT: Justin KonMan
- NCDI: Dante Bourne
- ABFP: Keaton Estes
URGI Geography[edit]
The URGI consists mainly of a central volcanic plateau, with elevations from about 700 to 800 m (2,297–2,625 ft), ringed by mountains, the highest of which is Hvannadalshnúkur (2,119 m/ 6,952 ft), in the Öræfajökull glacier. Lava fields cover almost 11% of the country (some of which were permantly altered when Hillary Clinton tried to use them for geothermal power), and glaciers almost 12%. Among the many active volcanoes there is an average of about one eruption every five years. The largest glacier in Europe, Vatnajökull (about 8,400 sq km/3,200 sq mi and a common location for seal mating), is in southeast URGI. There are also many lakes, snowfields, hot springs, and geysers (the word "geyser" itself is of Icelandic origin). The longest river is the Thjórsá (about 230 km/143 mi) in southern section of the URGI. Most rivers are short and none are navigable, but because of swift currents and waterfalls, the URGI's rivers have important waterpower potential. There are strips of low arable land along the southwest coast and in the valleys. Good natural harbors are provided by fjords on the north, east, and west coasts.
Weylin Radbourne and the URGI Civil War[edit]
In late 2009, Weylin Radbourne, a high ranking official in the Octagon, began to have ruminations of rebellion. He later organized a rebellious structured anarchy called the Confederacy of Independent Weylin Supporters, or the CIWS. He ruled this rebellion with his iron hard hair, in which nothing could wash.
In a swift effort to rid the URGI of insurrectionists, President Nicholas Surnameson summoned the newly formed URGI Army against Weylin's CIWS Army. The two clashed at Reykjavik, in which Surname got the upper hand. Retreating to Vik, Radbourne sought safety in its remoteness; however, Surnameson used Chuck Norris as a mercenary to hunt down and roundhouse kick Radbourne's entire army. Once there, Surnameson forced Weylin to sign the Treaty of Vik, in which Radbourne was banished to working as a goat herder on the remote archipelago of Svalbard. Afterwards, Nicholas Surnameson set up several federal bureaus to deter possible supporters from repeating this civil war again. Although these agencies were established, many, such as Kieth Whatshislastname, still rose up to rebellion, although President Surnameson has been able to apprehend all rebels since Radbourne's time.
Libra Woods and that Other URGI Civil War[edit]
In 2010, Libra Woods felt jealous she couldn't be President. So, when Surnameson was struck down by Hillary Clinton, she killed him the first time. She then attempted to murder President Lena & Former First Lady Jacqueline Surnameson. After that failed miserably, she incited another civil war, in which she took over Iceland. Lena was forced to move to London and be surrounded by British people (ewwwww...). After sucking horribly, Libra was then exiled.
Timeline of Important Events[edit]
- 1111: The thought of uniting the countries of England, Iceland, and Dutch-owned Greenland was considered, even though most of those countries did not exist in 1111
- 1993: Bill Clinton becomes President of the United States, and allows Hillary Clinton, wife, to have maniacal dreams of personal glory
- 1997: Bill Clinton is re-elected. Hillary's plot to take over a useless country has grown to a soon-to-be-reality
- 2000: Hillary Clinton blackmails Ólafur Ragnar Grímsson, Tony Blair, and Jonathan Motzfeldt, presidents and prime ministers of Iceland, Great Britain, and Greenland respectively, forcing them to become one nation, or suffer a centralized nuclear holocaust.
- 2008: The URGI is formed. Hillary replaces all the former leaders and ships them off to exile on the island of Saint Helena. Hillary Rodham Clinton becomes the first female and Democratic President of the URGI
- 2008 (8 weeks after election): Hillary Clinton is killed by Mr. Rainsford and a pod of flying whales.
- 2008 (1 week after Hillary's death): Sarah Louise Palin is elected under the support of the Green Party. The Arctic Circle is almost annexed, due to the dwindling population of polar bears.
- 2008 (4 weeks after Sarah's election): Sarah Palin is killed by an unidentified boy and Sheila Mant. The URGI is thrown in
turmoil, and is president-less for 5 months
- 2008 (After Palin's death): Queen Latifah is Fat Empress of the URGI for 2 weeks.
- 2009: Nick Surnameson is formally elected as the 3rd President of the URGI, and brings reform to a weakened nation.
- 2009 (4 months after Surnameson's election): Weylin Radbourne forms the Confederacy of Independent Weylin Supporters, and leads a rebellion against President Surnameson. Soon after, Radbourne is defeated, and exiled to Svalbard.
- 2009: Preston Buckley is unanimously voted by the world as the ugliest name.
- 2009 (A while into his term): Surnameson goes to Barcelona for a world summit meeting and is gravely wounded by Carmen Venstresca. Svava Anna-Lena is sworn in as the 4th President. Nicholas Surnameson is killed by his own Secretary of State, Libra Woods (sounds familiar).
- 2010: Svava Anna-Lena and Jacqueline Bouvier Surnameson, Former First Lady, are almost assassinated by Libra Woods. Libra is stopped and exiled to a hardware store. Nicholas Surnameson is raised from the dead and reinstated, with Evangeline Evans taking Libra's place and Svava Anna-Lena returning as Vice President.
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