“"Man, that guy can eat a crap the size of Texas!"”
“In Soviet Russia, Williams treats YOU!!”
Treat Williams (born Treat Richard Osgood Williams Titpincher III on December 1, 1951) is a celebrated Hollywood actor. Movies like "Pubic hair", and "Things to poo in Denver when you are fed" made him famous worldwide. Though mankind is grateful and they immensely praise "The Treat" for winning the local war of the New York sewers, he is constantly exposed to the danger of being utterly forgotten. His greatest ability is that he actually has nothing to do with anything. For example, he could walk into a bank, kill 120 people, take 10 million dollars and walk right out. Even if he tried to explain to the nearby police officers that he had indeed committed this terrible crime, he would just be kindly requested to leave the premises, accompanied by : "Please, sir, get the fuck out of here. You are not even related to your biological father, because you don't have anything to do with anything!"
In the earlier stages of his magnificent career,like in the aforementioned movie "Things to poo in Denver when you are fed", he gained another tremendous power : he could eat enormous amounts of feces, not even stopping for air while simultaneously sporting a triumphant brown-grin : the mark of a true champion.
Back in 1990, when the New York sewers were about to explode and the communist shit rebellion was about to infest the streets of the Big Apple, he came (twice) and gloriously defeated them with his feces-devouring ability. Shortly after this epic confrontation, he was awarded a Purple Heart and was proclaimed the penultimate national hero. Due to the above mentioned "nothing to do with anything power", he was forgotten after about 2 hours. There are some reports of him trying to remind the general public of his monumental feats on Oprah's Xmas special, but the authors of the famed book "How to Treat yourself" call bullshit.
Currently married to Vanessa Williams, who is usually referenced to as the wife of Rick Fox, a punk-ass NBA wannabe player. Treat's and Vanessa's grandparents were old family friends from the Canada-Fiji wars.
They also have 2 children, one of which is a famous black comedian Bill Cosby.The other kid is the infamous Bill Gates, but Treat rejected Gates as his son and expelled him from the Jewish community years ago. Treat is a rastafarian protestant by religious belief, and a prominent member of the "Save the whales, become a nazi" non-profit organization. As he himself said, he's devoting the rest of his life to the Danish orphans who live in Jakarta, and aren't accustomed to crap. He's been ricinus-addicted for over a decade, but he finally kicked this habit in 2001. Once he was found naked and overdosed from rotten cabbage, lettuce boiling out of his ears.
- Treat Williams is also a distant relative to Bobby Vitale, the former president of Bavaristan and one of today's most famous porn actors. Nevertheless, women in particular and mankind in general loath T.W. because of the strong odour he seems to be psionically connected with.
- One of his major adventures was taking part in the glorious Trojan war ( fought over princess' Helen's bowel content, not her beauty - since no one has ever seen a dump so fine and luscious : some describe it as polished), where Treat killed even the mighty Trojan prince Hector by devouring a huge bullshit in front of the gates of Troy (wrongly affiliated with Achilles, whose only part was to sit back and jerk off). Hector's head exploded seconds after, quite possibly out of sheer amazement and utter respect.
- He spent 7 years serving as an elephant pilot in the Uzbekistan navy, helping the fight against the rebellious ninja nazis, threatening to overthrow the nigger-ape regime.
- Following the fall of communism, he retreated to the forests of Montana, where he perfected his lumberjack abilities. It was said that he was able to chop down acres of trees in a geshmoigen-second (about 0.000000000000000000000001 seconds). This fact made the local beaver gang very angry, and after a bitter struggle, Treat had to back down and leave Montana.