The Mars Volta

The Mars Volta transcending the aural viperic constrictions of musical convention.

The Mars Volta is a group of surrealistic and confounding musicians best known for bewildering laymen and wooing critics with cryptic lyrics of Biblical complexity and verbosity and self-debasing instrumentation of Latin and Progressive patronage.

Aethereal Linguistical Verbosity

HAVE YOU UN-DER-STOOD? Their lyrics comprehend?

(Methodic deconstruction cannot here avail)

CAN YOU MAKE-TO-RIGHT? Decipher the meme?

(Organized attempts certain are to fail)

Can you comprenhend with a concerted effort on your own behalf?

Enigmatic conceptions

Cerebral and unreal

The scriber understood

But you think you feel?

Within the writer’s thoughtform

Can you ascertain?

The point of things just uttered

Or are you just the bane?

Will you reach for comfort;

The meaning underlied?

Or will this understanding

Be to you denied?

Twixt the cerebellum

Do you think you know?

The answer to the question

Melts away like snow

Aertereal Linguistical Verbosity

Lacks the empirical, formulaic quality the layman wants

He reaches out but finds nothing

The Labyrinth confounds him

[in an Old Gregg voice]

You think you’re gonna understand what’s going on, but ya really don’t

Like grabbin’ a cat or some shit, and it turns out to be your grandma’s teat

And then you’re like, ‘what the fuck, Grandma, what’s your teat a-doin’ he-yere?’

And then you just say to hell with it and give Rosemary some old fashion lovin’ like sh’ wants

[six minute saxophone solo]

HAVE YOU UN-DER-STOOD? Their lyrics comprehend?

(Methodic deconstruction cannot here avail)

CAN YOU MAKE-TO-RIGHT? Decipher the meme?

(Organized attempts certain are to fail)

Fornificus Troupers

Umbilic blisters and hedonistic troupes; have you ever been the conventicle of Mexico?

O, mar Rodriguez, tell me that it’s over

Cthulhic intentions and Poisson distributions

My melodic flaccid interest wanes, you know

Biblical scriptions ar’en’t what’s the matter

Bixler-Zavala, speak the incantation

Bombastic utterances make the song, you know

Testament Isaiah, musica claviered

We know that you know the destination

Aetereal and melodious sets the mood, you know

We’ve all been

Trippin’ on hard drugs

(The needle strikes the crimson vein)

We’ve all been

Sowing empty seeds

(The semen’s still inert the same)

[lengthy instrumental interlude]

Chaotic rhythmic structure, the underlying math

Pridgen, Alderete, the beat to fornication

Though masturbation works the same, you know

O, mar, brotherly assisted in your enterprise

Synthetic and hallow tones make for anticipation

And intelligentsia’d dissonance woos critics, you know

And González does the rest

Yes, González does the rest

[dissonant electronic sounds]

[fadeout]

Frenulum labiorum pudendi

[building guitar introduction]

It defected back to where the cul-de-sac payed.

He sits

Loused beyond all measure

And stays

Waiting silent still

You think

‘What’s this that I see here?’

And go

‘Fuck it, I don’t care’

First albums are confusing

Everyone confound

The message (if there is one)

Sold back by the pound

In the comatorium

The track list does unfold

Made to entice the prog fan

Found it breaks the mold

Empty hallways whisper

Empty hallways whisper

[ten minute ‘groove’]

Apparitions inside, the crease of spacial time. Vroom Vroom.

[eight minutes of silence]

Biblical conceptions

Latin themes as well

A unifying concept

Now that’s a harder sell

Portmanteaus and organs

Make up what’s the meme

But what this really lacks

Is an underlying theme

[ominous transition]

I've got a penis that will rip through the very fabric of time (time, time, time)

Reckless and cursed, The Soothsayer cries out

Ouija and spirits descend

Without the matter of inflection

It beckons through historic matters

Goliath’s got a lot to say

If you’d only listen

Goliath’s going to make your day

If you’d only listen

[crescendo and three minute salsa dance by the band]

Infirmary, perdition (incomprehensible fiction)

Bedlam and infection (hexes made for you protection)

Vea También

• Jesus
• Schizophrenia
• Mexico
• Surrealism
• The Vagina

Article written in the style of its subject This article is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is probably because you are the type who needed this explained to you. If you still do not find the article funny, that is surely because a joke loses its humor when it is explained. The authors sincerely hope that you will pick up your game and laugh without prompting in the future.