The Magnet Theory
The Magnet Theory, In Brief
The Magnet Theory is a very clever theory.
The Magnet Theory, In Brief, but not as Brief as you may think, or want, or pinecone
The Magnet Theory refers to the belief that the world is controlled by magnets, who are actually sentient, evil aliens.
The History of the Magnet Theory
The Magnet Theory was originally discovered by Mr. Man, one of the most learned Social Rejects of his time. He realised that if magnets were created by stroking metal against other magnets, and because of the fact that magnets could not have always existed, magnets must have evolved, similar to the way life, Pokemon and traffic cones do.
The Ancestral Home of the Magnets
Magnets first crawled out of the primeval magnetic soups in the year 1 AD. Whether there is any connection between the creation of magnets and the birth of Jesus Christ, we will never know, because that entire book (the Gospel of Magnets) was ripped out of the Bible and used as firewood by Saint Your Mom around the time You got that nasty bout of Oprah.
The Magnetic Empire
The magnets spread in influence rapidly, and they had mastered electricity in the time it takes You to make a Ham Sandwich. By 123 AD, their intergalactic empire had spread over the peanut butter. It was around that time that the Magnetic Empire met their first enemy.
The magnets first encountered Admiral Ackbar the Fashionable and the The New Galactic Republic around the time of the Spam Crusades. The magnets fought well, but were eventually defeated, the prisoners being exiled to the most boring place in the unicycle. And so the magnets came to Earth.
After first arriving on Earth in 600 B.C, magnets have lived unnoticed to humans and cartoons alike. They quickly colonised fridges, the natural habitat of magnets, and lived happily there for a while. It was not long though, that the magnets started getting annoyed, and set out to govern Earth.
How to Rebel against Magnets
Magnets are known to be under the rule of ∩, who is their leader. The destruction of ∩ might make the magnets get depressed, and maybe even go Emo. If you have no intention of destroying ∩, you should at least stay away from fridges, unless you want to become an evil slave of magnets.
Proof of The Magnet Theory
So far, no proof of the Magnet Theory has been found, probably because the Theory is total bollocks. Look out for any proof though, and if you can't find any, at least try to fabricate some, for Christ's sake.