The Gurk
“Bloody hell! It bit my leg!”
“I should have him come to my show”
“Crikey! Just look at'em teeth! Look!!!”
“Gurk is dead”
“In Gurk we trust”
Gurken (Gurco Incomptius) or simply The Gurk is a predator believed to have existed in Northern Europe around the second ice age. First discovered in Norway during the a highway construction, this magnificent creature is believed to have roamed the mighty highlands with four pincer-like legs, two racor sharp claws and an appetite for almost every species available at the time. Archeologists around the world flocked to the excavation site to examin the well preserved body. It can now only be seen at the Archological museum of Oslo.
Second Ice Age[edit]
At the time of the Gurk, Europe was a cold and hostile environment and saw the end of many species. However, Gurken developed a thick skin layer proving both fire resistant, water proof and keeping it warm throughout the harsh winter. In addition to this, the Gurk had infrared vision, razor sharp teeth and were gigantic. Right after its discovery, a new theory about the extinction of the mammuts were presented involving the Gurk being rather cranky one day and decided to kill'em all. This theory have been commonly accepted and is now taught at elementary schools around the world.
Not only were Gurken stunningly intelligent and fierce, but could also move at great speed and cross large distanses in short time. The first humans settling in the areas found them as excellent mounts and used them often in hunting or transportation.
Religion and extinction[edit]
Not only did Ayam take advantage of the Gurk in sexual matters, butalso worshipped Gurks penis. It was believed to have great macigal powers and being the god of creation and fire. Cave paintings found in Northern Russia supports this theory.
However, at the Gurks prime, prohpecies were foretold about the coming of armageddon. People's panic were pointed at the Gurk and an enormous eradication began. In just a couple of years the entire Gurk tribe of Europe was gone.
Although centuries ago, there is still people who whorsip the Gurk and believes that the resurrection of the Gurk will be imminent now that Gurk graves have been disturbed. In 1997, Gurkhism were officially declared a religion in Sweden, Holland, Germany,Japan and Lithuania. Denmark, Italy, Mexico and China are all discussing the matter to this day.
Impact on modern culture[edit]
Gurken has made its way into the most unpredictable arenas. At a press conference in early 2006, car manufacturer BMW announced that Gurken would be their logo for the new G-series. Directly after, BMW were sued by Porsche who according to their management had bought all the rights for it. The trial is expected to begin in February 2007.
2007 is also the year of the highly anticipated autobiographical movie "Million Dollar Gurk", believed to be a box-office hit and Universial studios biggest project of all time. Starring as the Gurk, is Ben Affleck.
