Spray paint

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A spray paint masterpiece.

“It's not near as fun as it sounds.”

~ Michael P. Fay on spray painting in Singapore.

Spray paint can be aerosol paint in a pressurized can, airbrushes, or a bucket of paint thrown into a fan. Regardless of the method, they all spray paint in a fine mist. Like a good sneeze, minus the larger globs.

Illegal spray painting (graffiti) is the 3rd most heinous crime committed, following public urination and jaywalking.

Legal spray painting is much more boring, unless you are painting polystyrene foam, which melts into a sticky mush reminiscent of a brain after watching Family Guy.


Digital spray paint.

To use spray paint, point the nozzle away from yourself, don't hold the can upside-down, and don't light it on fire if you want to be boring, otherwise you should try them all at least once... or all at once.

A paintbrush is not required, however, if it makes you feel better, you can take one with you anyway.

Since spray paint comes out in a spray (oh the irony!), it sometimes requires the use of stencils to keep the paint within the lines, so to speak.

Real men don't use stencils to spray paint. Real men also make a huge mess.

If you have questions about what you are doing, a graffiti artist will probably know more than a hardware store employee, unless their day job is only a ploy to cover for their alter ego as a graffiti artist by night.

Many computer graphics painting programs have an airbrush tool. This is not real spray paint, even if the icon looks like a can of spray paint. Do not be fooled by their lies!

Uses other than painting[edit]

Spray paint cans have many useful applications, and some not-so-useful ones as well.

  • Aerosol bomb

The gas under pressure inside a spray paint can can explode if heated. Although potentially dangerous shrapnel can occur, it really isn't a very useful bomb. A grenade works much better and doesn't need a preexisting heat source.

  • Propellant huffing

Like most pressurized aerosols, the propellant in spray paint cans can be abused as an inhalant. As always, this is dangerous and may also result in your face being painted. Try kitten huffing instead if you really need to get a high.

  • Doorstop

A full can of spray paint is heavy enough to hold a door, but light enough to easily be kicked out of the way with your foot. It can also be useful, sitting at the base of the door, in case the door needs a new paint job in an emergency.

  • Baby rattle

Most spray paints have a bead inside to mix the paint. It rattles when you shake the can. Babies like making noise. Give them a can of spray paint and they will surely have some fun with it, they may even apply a fresh coat of paint to their crib.

  • Marital medium

Many marriages encounter difficult times. When thrown at someone's head, cans of spray paint can be quite painful, especially if they are still full. Another option might be to redecorate your spouse's car, house, gifts that you gave them, or any other object that they hold dear, possibly that afore-mentioned baby.

  • Animal activism

It is a well documented fact that spray painting clothes made out of dead animals saves the lives of the still living ones.

See also[edit]