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The Sodomite is a rare species of insect which infests particular types of fake fireplaces. It is a member of the Ocarina, or Ocari order, and is believed to be the main cause of childhood obesity. Also known for its narcotic properties.


Both male and female sodomites are triangular in shape, vomit-yellow and have a single plated exoskeleton. The female is unusual among the mites in having seven legs and measures approximately 610 micrometres in length and 540 micrometres in width. The male measures approximately 450 micrometres by 220 micrometres. The exoskeleton is highly prized among the very rich as, when ground into a dust and mixed with vinegar, it acts as a very powerful narcotic, although producing the well-known “munchies” effect between 20 and 40 minutes after inhalation. The preparation is extremely difficult and the technique is known only to a few monks living in the Tibetan sanctuary of Chokyur Lingdad.

Childhood Obesity[edit]

The 'mite causes this most dangerous of modern epidemics in children by sending out hunger-inducing radio-waves tuned to the highly-sensitive brains of 4-10 year olds. This unusual effect is a side product of the 'mite's search for a mate; in trying to attract the flighty female, the male emits a signal which boasts of its prowess in hunting/gathering sustenance; the female responds by indicating her hunger levels.

The Cult[edit]

During the late 1970s when the narcotic attributes of the exoskeleton were being studied, a little-known cult sprang up, calling themselves the Sodomites. It is not known how many members there were, but Oscar Wilde reputedly boasted that he was a founder member and that the organisation “went up to the highest levels in world government”, challenging the Masonic Lodge for their power.

Legality Notice[edit]

While the narcotic properties of this insect are mentioned here, it is necessary to note that the author takes no responsibility for any side effects the use of this drug may create (including warts, strange dress sense, skin perforation and the urge to worship the Marquis de Sade). It must also be noted that any treatment of the exoskeleton of the insect Sodomite is illegal and punishable by exile to Coventry in 19 countries and 27 US states.