Similes

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
This article deals with Similes, the literary device, not Smilies, the integral part of proper interweb speak. For information about this interweb language category, see Emoticons.

“A simile is totally like an analogy, metaphorically speaking of coarse.”

~ Dr. Valley Girl, my English teacher

Similes are like an ice-cream sundae. (Ice cream on any day is refreshing, just like a simile.) They are not to be confused with metaphors which are ice cream. Similes and analogies are dissimilar, as are ice cream and frozen yogurt. Nor are they pataphors, which would be the ice-cream truck.

Example: Every Rose Has Its Thorn[edit]

Brett KNOWS what it's like to put up with Cindy's shit! All the goddamned time!

Most English professors agree that Poison's Every Rose Has Its Thorn marked a switch back to the lyrical work of e e cummings and Robert Lowell's late poems. All lyrics after this must grapple with the triplet that leads this song off:

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song

The lyric moves from hexameter into free verse, but what fascinates scholars is Brett Michaels use of simile for two things (botany and the rotation of the Earth) that, in fact, have nothing to do with one another. This brilliant innovation means similes are far more versatile than anyone thought:

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every bus has chewed-up gum,
Just like every Congressman knows how to clog.

List of essential daily similes[edit]

  • Similes are like metaphors
  • Uncyclopedia is like heaven
  • Computers are like nerds with square faces
  • The moon is like a bottom
  • Quentin Tarantino is like a caffeine-addicted hummingbird
  • Hummingbirds are like lazy Quentin Tarantinos
  • Life is like an elephant
  • Kranskis are like donut hole-punchers
  • Beer is like digestible wee
  • Dung beetles are like Spartacus food
  • Guinea pigs are like Oscar Wilde
  • Your mom is like my mom
  • Jello is like a revelation from God
  • Greek oracles are like drunk women ... oh, wait, they are drunk women
  • English teachers are like baclava
  • Calculus is like swimming in peanut butter
  • Broccoli is NOT like chocolate
  • Ross was like a rainbow as he glided onto the man ("Uhhh ...")
  • Sisters are like broccoli
  • Similes are like Franz Kafka
  • Kafka is like like Nietzsche
  • Nietzsche is like Hitler
  • Similes are, therefore, like Hitler
  • Syllogistic reasoning is also like Hitler
  • Uncyclopedia is like Oscar Wilde
  • Communism is like warm, melted cheese

See also[edit]