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Proper dave small.JPG This article is a swarming mass of Vashta Nerada.
To avoid any fatalities, we recommend you to count the shadows before editing this article.

Oi!! This article is for shadows, the ones that follow your body and what-have-you. For the Sonic the Hedgehog character, see Shadow the Hedgehog or actually shadow the hedgehog.

Shadow cabinet member takes the floor in response to throne speech

A shadow cabinet, in the parliamentary tradition of the Undead Kingdom and her colonies, is a group of opposition members in the House, each of which is assigned the task of acting as critic of one government department or ministry.

Each cabinet member in the government therefore has his or her shadow, an opposition member who is typically an undead or zombie politician and is in office solely to haunt the governing party to its grave.

A typical shadow cabinet[edit]

If a statesman is little more than a dead politician, the builders of a shadow cabinet believe we need more statesmen.

Portfolio Shadow ministry Her Majesty's Undead Opposition member
Labour Ministry of Unemployment The Devil; not strictly undead, but the only to find work for idle hands.
War Ministry of Offence Guy Fawkes. Handy with explosives. A penny for the Old Guy?
Judiciary Ministry of Injustice Bob Marley. Scrooge's partner. These chains! These chains!
Transports Ministry of Broken Bridges The ferryman. Chris deBurgh advises not to pay until he gets you to the other side.
Oxymorons Home Office Oliver Twist, poor orphan with no home and no office.
National Health Service Ministry of Illness Typhoid Mary. Be glad to even be able to get that much on the NHS.
Most speeches given in the House are created by ghostwriters


A dead day in talk-radio
As the shadow cabinet is drawn from the benches of the Opposition, it is in no way expected to actually be capable of governance.

Its rôle is therefore primarily to attempt to gain the attention of the media at home and abroad. It must frighten the populace that the government of the day is not only evil, but more frightful than whatever is sitting on Opposition backbenches.

On a relatively dead news day, the members of the shadow cabinet will typically obtain some radio airtime, if only to break the eerie silence