Service pack

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“Give me time and all your money and I will write you a Service Pack”

~ Bill Gates

“Service Packs sucked the life out of my Computer”

~ Oscar Wilde

A piece of software that is larger than an operating system, which Microsoft releases to fix a never-finished software, service packs come in all flavors and sizes. Men's size is slightly larger than Service Packs for women.

Early Development

Service packs are designed before work on the actual software is started. They are like addiction after you have been put on a software for a while, and cannot live without it. Microsoft plans to release Service Packs for its sack-of-turds Operating System known as Windows Vista six to eight months after its release into the public.

Service Packs are advertised to be critical components to reduce security flaws in the original software, yet the Service Pack is itself a Beta. Most stupid users and all managers think Service Packs are a good idea because they resolve bugs in the original software. As noble as the idea of bringing down a forty-two story building and rebuilding it to include two extra rooms, Service Packs are created by Microsoft to feed on some stupid users and all managers' lust for the latest software.

Greedy Bastard Monopoly

Microsoft uses its Service Packs to hack into the target computers for their own back-end processing tasks. Sky-net, the computer that brought us the Terminator-3 Movie was installed with the Microsoft Service Pack for the Vista Operating System.

• Service Packs cause failure of the lungs when the user copies the Service Pack onto a CD-ROM and then grinds the CD, and inhales the dust.

• Service Packs take longer to install on an un-compromised Computer (A computer free of Microsoft Viruses) because hacking takes it some time to delete all the important data files on a user's computer.

Low-paid programmers work hard and over-paid managers sit idle to create a service pack. Once complete, it is labeled to be the most important piece of software a computer should have. Obviously, everyone with a computer should ignore bullying by Microsoft to install its latest Beta Service Pack because by doing so, they will be taking the food away from many hungry dogs.

Feed the dogs, say NO to service packs. Demand a complete software each time.

Code Examples

Service Packs contain code like this:

 for (double d = 0.0; d < 2000000.00; d++) {
   Sleep((int)d);
 }
 SendPasswordsToCreator();
 Crash();

And includes such great code as:

 BOOL IsTrue(BOOL b) {
   BOOL bValue = TRUE;
   if (b != FALSE)
     bValue = TRUE;
   else if (b == FALSE)
     bValue = FALSE;
 return bValue;
 }

The only difference is that the above code is written in Visual Basic, which is not a language for normal people.