Sarawak
Sarawak Bumi Bulatan Saghawak, white hair land | |
|---|---|
| Official language(s) | Bahasa Sarawak, Borneo English |
| Government | kleptocracy |
| Yang Berhorny Pe-Khin, CMS boss | Datuk Patuk Abdul Tahi Mamommoth aka ATM Jackie Chan |
| National hero(es) | Tahi, Belasai, Anita Sarawak, Wan Tan Mui, Pun Juga |
| Currency | Sarawak white hair |
| Religion | White magic, Tuak, Gambir, Langkau, Jessica Alba, KologMe |
| Population | 2.5 million orangutans |
Sarawak is a tail-shaped country in the north of Borneo, west of the state of Sabah (Najib's favourite hideout). Technically it is a part of Malaysia, although its people occasionally think they are independent.
History[edit]
Regarding ancient history, there isn't any. Sarawak was first colonised by Charles Brooke in early 19th Century, who found Malays and Ibans revolting against Sultan of Brunei whose younger brother Jefri was disturbing them with his racing cars and wild drinking parties. Brooke promised the sultan he would quell the rebellion in exchange for a couple million acres of land. Brooke volunteered several useful family members, with aptitude but no experience at governing, and graciously accepted the title of Rajah.
In 1941, Sarawak was captured by the Japanese. They introduced bukkake, Doraemon, dragon ball, manga and anime. The Japanese were forced to leave in 1945. After that, the British returned and ruled the country for another 22 years, then gave the job over to Malaysia. Local discontent resumed, but Malaysia quelled it by introducing the pondan system, flooding town streets with ladyboys.
Ethnic and Religious Composition[edit]
Sarawak's populations consists of Ibans (30%), Chinese (25%), Malays (20%), Orks (10%) and smaller ethnics such as Melanau, Bidayuh, Hobit, Kenyang, Penan, Orang Ulu, Orang Utan, Kayan and Kelabit. Ibans used to be known as headhunters or 'pengayap'. Their literacy rate is 2% and they are mostly Christian.
The ethnic orangutans (the name means "upriver people") are as uninvolved in the governance of Malaysia as Malaysia is in them. However, this is slowly changing. The orangutans have begun clear-cutting the rain forest in conjunction with their tribal religious celebrations and head-shrinking. Malaysia, for its part, has grown a tail-like appendage.
Sollywood[edit]
Sollywood is located in Unimas, near Kitteh, nation's capital, and it's the centre of Sarawak's movie industry. So far Sollywood has recorded three movies: Journey to Sarikei, Sembelit and The Sleeping Dictionary. Journey to Sarikei has been nominated for 3 Oscars, although only Sarawakian movie which actually won an Oscar was Sembelit; it got an award for the best shit in a movie.
Politics[edit]
Tahi had repeated James Beruk dynasty success for being the current king of Sarawak with his fancy prince waiting for the throne. Armed with supermajority in state assembly, every word uttered by Tahi is to become a decree and subsequently into law. For example, in June 2011, the definition of the word "native" in Sarawak should also include Tahi's white hair. (see below) Urban Chinese usually loathe Tahi but not the rural natives in Sarawak. Rural natives still love Tahi's magical white hair although he sweep their lands bare using his white hair. "Lu bantu wa, wa bantu lu" is the first political moral lesson thought by Najib Razak here in Sebu buy-election when he was helping to promote a juara kampung here.
Economy[edit]
Sarawak economy is currently controlled by Tahi Mamommoth's magical white hair. With every white hair he blown, it will become new Tahi and implanted in every new company in Sarawak. All these white hairs then ultimately connect the zombified companies to the Tahi's ultimate machine called "CMS" (Chief minister and sons). Thus all the companies lifeline here depends upon the energy grid provided by these white hairs. Without these white hairs, these companies will die off.
Tahi also offers a fixed deposit scheme to reward investment in the country by its orangutans. The duration of this scheme is 5 years and orangutans (especially Kampung ones) can only withdraw bananas at the end of every 5 years. Tahi predicted that Sarawak will enjoy unprecedented prosperity based on a new class of nouveau riche primates.