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Spam is no one's registered trademark, as it is a part of the American national patrimony.

Spam is a delightful sandwich spread consisting of ingredients that no one really wants to know the identity of. Spam is the American equivalent of Australia's "Vegemite," or the United Kingdom's "tea, with a little milk if you please." However, no one would really object to knowing what ingredients are in tea, though the milk might be quite a different story.

Spam has acquired a variety of amusing nicknames, most recently, "pink slime." These are assigned by busybodies who want to destroy American cuisine, knock down national borders, and get us to eat hideously small portions of free-range foods, as the Brits do, when they are not even able to play gridiron football or give "high fives."

Other spams

Those not adventurous enough to eat spam can use ham salad or chicken salad, in which there is comparatively little uncertainty regarding the ingredients. Those too adventurous can go to McDonald's and order a milkshake, for which the ingredients are wrapped in total secrecy.

Spam is also the name for the Internet analog to date rape, when one acquaintance uses the appliances of another acquaintance for something which, while it might be the intended purpose, is something its owner almost certainly does not want done with it right now. This spam is the transmission of a boundless number of messages advising that a product or service is available — for a limited time only — provided the recipient fills out a form completely to enter the drawing (odds unspecified) and provided he wins the contest.

The information provided by the spam-ee will not be abused, but will be made available only to the spammer's Premium Marketing Partners to advise you of more great offers that will surely be of interest. This is how spam reproduces and completes its life cycle.

Spam is a reassuring thing for people who thought that this website was a flagrant waste of bandwidth.

See also