Rocket-propelled grenade

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An Octopus wielding a RPG

RPG stands for Rocket-Propelled Grenade, and is the most dangerous and violent game Satan ever created. Ever since its invention in the early 1970s by a bunch of hippies who unlocked an ancient Satanic curse from beyond the world that infects all generally RPG-related books, games, toys and accessories, it has totally corrupted the hearts of every child who ever set eyes on it.

Because of this, if you ever see any object that might in any way be related to RPG, you should take it away from the owner by force, burn the item in a huge bonfire, and scatter the ashes in several different rivers.

"In the beginning, God rolled up Adam. He gave him a STR of 12 for which to hunt with, a DEX of 13 so he could deftly avoid predators and door to door Jehova's Witnesses, and an INT of 16 so he would know to avoid the church. He clad him in leather armour and armed him with a sling. He then gave him the necessary living provisions, such as a Bedroll, Iron Rations, Flint and Steel for, and Masterwork Thieves Tools. God had Adam go on many wondrous adventures alone (soloing) until he was high enough level to have earned a familiar, at which point he rolled up Eve. Adam and Eve went on (in game) to have somewhat in the vicinity of 6 million offspring, all of whom are mindless inbred idiots, though they could buy off those disadvantages by simply removing "brainwashed by a religion" or, "Brainwashed by the Irreligious" from their drawbacks column."

It is widely thought amongst those in the church that the playing of RPGs is a quick path to the devil and/or satanism, and that role playing is generally thought of as a sin. This is usually told by the same priests and church elders that enjoy immoral/illegal sex with minors of the same gender.

The unholy Game


"They are spawn of satan. By allowing your kid, friends, or by playing them yourself you're allowing satan to fiddle with your mind!"

These explosives were originally used in the game airsoft, until 1931 when the last two players in the World Series of Paintball simultaneously fired at each other, killing them both. The next three weeks were then spent trying to decide who was "more dead" until Humphrey Bogart descended from the sky, and settled the match by killing everyone in the room. Now they use Javelin Missiles in paintball instead

At least thats what pop singers and fart-mongers Phil Collins and Billy Joel would have you believe.

Phil campaigned strongly throughout the 19th and 20th centuries against all forms of roleplaying games. Unfortunately he was distracted by a highly successful career as a international celebrity manure farmer in the 1970s and 80s, leading to a surge in RPGs as their former nemesis selfishly became consumed with the business. Sadly, Collins lost track of the heady idealism of his youth and turned to the thing he hated most for comfort when bottom fell out of the manure industry in the early 1990s.

Collins can now be found online every waking hour playing WOTmud and lurking in IRC chat rooms. Its said he is seeking aid for his hopeless internet addiction, but medical experts deem him beyond help.

Other meanings[edit]

Reality Player's Guide[edit]

RPG may also stand for the Reality Player's Guide. It is a best-selling book which explains how everything in the world works. Even though real life may not look like it on the surface, these are the forces that govern the universe.

Rogue Pheasant Gang[edit]

The Rogue Pheasant Gang was a notorious gang of pheasants who struck fear in the hearts of the residents of Eastern Europe in the late 18th century.

Report Program Generator[edit]

An IBM programming language started as a joke before anyone had discovered acid. The language had an uncanny ability to line up columns in reports for sending to a line printer, provided all of the information could fit on a punched card, none of it used any special or "foreign" characters, and the programmer did not want to do advanced things such as change the sequence of anything.

Raman Plastic Glorious[edit]

The Raman invaded Scotland in 12 BC. The plastic company made a glorious return after the finding of gold in Australia. Humphrey Bogart himself declared, "anyone can be a llama."

See also[edit]