Rick Wright
“Was he pink? Who knows...”
“That's WRIGHT!”
Richard William "Pinky" Wright (born Richard Broflowski; 28 July 1943–15 September 2008) was an English pianist, keyboardist, vocalist and songwriter, oddly enough known for his career with Pink Floyd.
Early life and career[edit]
Richard Broflowski was born in 1936 somewhere in india. His father was the great explorer Gerárde Dû Gylf who is know to have discovered popcorn. His mother, whos identity is unknown, ran out of the house, screaming after she heard him play piano for the first time. She was never seen again. Devestated after the loss of his mother, Rick left his home in 1943, only five years old. He then spend the rest of his childhood travelling along the rivers of southern USA, searching for his long lost mother and a band to play in. He finally ended up in the town on cambridge, somewhere in the english countryside.
There he met Roger Waters and his fellow gnome friend, Syd Barrett. Roger had band called "Abacab" ater the Genesis album of the same name, where played bass and screamed while Syd played the half electronic banjo. Rick joined tha band on keyboards and occasional banjo (for those really complex multi-layered barnside jams)
Early years with Abacab[edit]
The band didn't enjoy much success and they soon figured that they needed someone to play the drums that stood empty behind them at every gig. So they hired a local waiter, named Nick Mason, having no clue whatever he could play drums or not. They soon found out that Nick was a fantastic writer, but as a drummer he was not even allowed to speak.
So they were left with Syd and everyone depended on Rick to write. But being shy and half-retarded, he never actually wrote anything important for the band. He was rather useless, and since he couldn't even play keyboards very well, he was the one that had to sing the worst songs. Roger always gave him the songs about rabbits and homosexual policemen and said, "Sing this, it fits your personality"
Later years[edit]
In 1972, when the band (now named Pink Floyd) was working on their epic masterwork "The Wizard Of Oz Unofficial Soundtrack" Rick was pushed even harder to write something. One day, he had enough. He went into an elevator with a tape recorder and screamed his ass off. He then gave it to Roger and said "There! You happy?" To Ricks dismay, He actually liked it, but he proposed that they re-recorded it with someone who could actually sing. Roger than laughed and said "You can't even scream properly" Rick was ready to kill him by now.
While recording the "not so epic masterpiece" "The Wall" Rick didn't write, sing or contribute with anything. This led Roger to believe that he was a slacker, and told him to "Get off your fat ass and write some shit you fucking cocaine-sniffin faggot, i'm trying to make money here!" This, was the last Rick could take. After 10 years of retarded "you cant sing" jokes and mental abuse, he had enough. Rick attacked Roger, biting him in the eye, stomping him on the head and shooting him with an harpoon. Roger went to the hospital for 3 months, pushing the album back several years (Yeah, Roger was a pussy). Even in the hospital, Roger made fun of Rick, saying: "The only reason he is in the band is because we needed someone to represent our feminine side" 3 days after the incident, Rick Wright left Pink Floyd to pursue a meaningless solo career.
Solo efforts[edit]
He released his first solo album under his rapper name "R. Writtyboii", Ghetto Dreams, in 1978. It enjoyed little succéss but he did have significant radio airplay with his number 14 hit song "In The Ghetto". But the album has diskliked by critics, calling it "A decent first effort by unknown Rick Wright, but he should drop the gangstah style". Rick responded to these critics by saying "i dun care, white boiz don't no wat real music is". He withdrew from public light after Rogers abuse during recording "The Wall" and it took 18 years for him to produce his next album.
The 18-year project[edit]
Directly after releasing his first solo album, he started to write and produce his next album. It went quite well the first 4 weeks and Rick had plenty of material. But some of it were stolen by David Gilmour for his solo album and some were lost in a racoon related incident. Roger hated the thought that anyone would go solo, so he tried his best to stop the album from getting made. His first plan was to mentally abuse Rick during the recording of "The Wall" and it worked quite well.
He then snuck into his house and spraypainted giant moyai faces everywhere and strangled his cat. Rick went into a long depression and production wasn't resumed until 1984.
The next six years[edit]
In 1984, he started to gather musicians for the album. After 4 days, he had got a pretty good band, consisting of Bob Dylan on guitar, Ray Charles on bass, Tina Turner on vocals and Ringo Starr on drums. He called it "Toi la Con Meo". Tragically, everyone except Rick was mysteriously killed in a multiple-persons bicycle accident, and Rick went to prison for manslaughter. Roger then stole the demo of the finished album, and rewrote all the material from the architectural prose and majesty of San Francisco to some biased propaganda. Two weeks later, he released "Radio K.A.O.S."
Rick was feeling uncomfortable in prison, getting lashed by raw spaghetti (or spaghetto, as they call it in prison), but that didn't stop the production of the album. He stole a tape recorder from 50 Cent and together with his cellmate, Indian Eric Clapton, and a couple of stolen clarinets, he recorded a EP, titled "Jailzz". Everyone got a stroke from trying to read the title, as the portmanteau between 'jail' and 'jazz' was too much for them.
Six more years[edit]
In 1990, everyone forgot about the murders and Rick was a free man, and the first thing on his list was to teach Roger Waters a lesson. He went with his jazz gang to Roger's house, which exploded with the sheer might of their lofty tunes. Rick then went into his hovering studio with his 500 demotapes and started recording seriously. But once again, he dropped his medically unsafe style to record with David and Nick on the next Pink Floyd album, The Deficiency Bell. After making the Pink Floyd album and selling 50000000 copies and touring for 6 years he could finally record his album.
But, with Rick's luck, you never know. The very next day, the studio was attacked by Mongolians. He fought bravely and strong to protect his prison demos, but he wasn't strong enough. All the tapes were destroyed and his studio was taken over.
Finally, he gets his freaking album done[edit]
Now broke and homeless, Rick started to look for another group of musicians. He got David to play guitar and Angus Young from AC/DC to play the kazoo. Rick himself played piano, synth, keyboard, Chinese cave organ, triangle, suboctobass and drums. He recorded the album in 5 hours and released it the next day as, "Broadsword in China" and it was fairly successful. Oddly, no one noticed that it only was a cover version of Jethro Tull's "Broadsword and the Beast"
Death[edit]
After years of obscurity, Rick resigned himself to a life as a forensic pathologist. There were rumours of a comeback album, although as Oscar Wilde put it, "Comeback? don't you have to do something significant beforehand to have a comeback?"
The album was never released, however, as on September 15, 2008 he died mysteriously in his home on the moon. His family stated that Rick had died of "...some form of cancer, I don't know. Now leave us alone, we have some shoppi- uh stuff to do." However, Roger Waters was seen in the area at the time, and The Walls sales numbers were down until bolstered by news of Rick's demise.