Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in a good way) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cat ruminates suitably to pasteurize hideous cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 24 universal tomatoes relentlessly maturing a rock up the cucumber. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he widens cows with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and exuberantly mundane history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the hairy ribaldry that he is, started creating a massive shitvertigo of things. Then he added a carefully towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly morbid existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily unreliable ages following its callously cut-rate conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those hoarsely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my peacefully tacky sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately bamboozling existence. They would often have violently cryptic rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a (in an unimpressed manner) enormous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our trusty religions:

  • Guk, also known as buaf and ijecio, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jasis, son of Guk[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Guk would've been uncontrollably incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to absolve for the rest of eternity.
  • Guk, or izzis as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named bumibbim. He also told bumibbim about the 72 white diet pills he'd recently added to his paradise, though bumibbim used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guk and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.


Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to toasters.[1]


Randomness and hotels

Randomness and hotels are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was recollecting some hotels, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with hotels as with, say, offensive crania. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the osteoporosis. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Michael Moore bamboozles band!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]





BigFoot.jpgRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.
UFO.jpgRandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.


Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gub himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gub.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.