Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most seldom random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a sacrifice disintegrates audaciously to exemplify sheer cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 83 on edge ovens fortissimo litigating a mouse up the stripper. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he hurts tuxedoes with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and bitterly emancipated history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the natural minecart that he is, started creating a massive shithouseplant of things. Then he added a crazily very large blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly egregious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily cosmic ages following its brutally minuscule conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those impolitely random adverbs and adjectives doing in my audaciously barbarous sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deporting existence. They would often have violently lifeless rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a offensively voluminous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our uncivilized religions:

  • mok, also known as juay and abovai, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • jucec, son of mok[2], had to die on the cross because else mok would've been easily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Crow Kingdom to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • mok, or allak as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named zutizzib. He also told zutizzib about the 72 white igneous protrusions he'd recently added to his paradise, though zutizzib used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no mok and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.


Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to telephones.[1]


Randomness and politicians

Randomness and politicians are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was raping some politicians, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with politicians as with, say, homosexual toasters. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the kitten chow mein. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Andy Dick defenestrates Taahgaarxian!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]






Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also guk himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of guk.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.