Rainbow

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Jumping on to the Wizard of Oz bandwagon following the example of Pink Floyd.

“The import of damn rainbows must go on in this fucking moment!!”

~ Kim Jong-Ill on Rainbow

“Oh, so beauti-- Uh, I mean...Look, a distraction!”

~ Oscar Wilde pointing out a distraction while he runs from the (sad) truth

“Dang! I was really hoping this whole page would be rainbow colored”

~ Me

“Fuckin Rainbows. Miracles!”

~ Insane Clown Posse

Rainbows are beautiful, gay arcs of colour, spread out over the sky after a refreshing rainstorm. They are a by-product of leprechaun activity, particularly when a leprechaun or several leprechauns are divesting themselves of their bullion. They are often accompanied by butterflies, gays, fairies, Skittles and Rainbow Brite herself Cyndi Lauper, and make one glad to be alive. Despite this, science has proven over and over that the rainbow is actually one of God's sick jokes, whereas he reminds people that if he feels like having a laugh, he can turn you into a homosexual.

When you see a rainbow, you'd better run and scream like a sissy girl because the hippies (which coincidentally are manifestations of God) are out to get you. In modern times, rainbows act as a beacon for homosexual individuals, and prolonged exposure leads to same-sex activity.

Rainbow is also an amazing rock band fronted by the rock god known as RONNIE JAMES DIO (see Dio). Rainbow was a band of unequaled rock.

Prevention

There is no way to prevent a rainbow, as it is usually created by Satan's minions as a trick after a rainstorm to convert Christians to homosexuality. However, you can take certain precautions:

• Wear sunglasses that make you look cool (but not in a Fonzie way)
• Invoke the sign of Christ with your index finger and thumb (also known as the "OK" sign)
• Wear a lead suit everywhere
• Have heterosexual sex (not anally)
• Do not follow the command above, stick it in her pooper!

Rainbow Stickers

Paint the whole world with a rainbow

Placing a rainbow sticker on the back of your moped indicates that you are a homosexual. The sticker also acts as a safety device by using all of the colors of light to prevent accidents. Recent scientific studies have shown that rainbow stickers on vehicles saved 6.66 million lives last year alone. Scientists also recommend contacting your doctor before applying any stickers to your vehicle.

President George W. Bush (Hor-hay Dub-ya Boosh) recently added a rainbow to the back of Air Force One. President Bush has spoken excitedly about what great luck it has brought him, as many homosexual men flock to his plane. George was disappointed because he did not find a pot of gold anywhere near this rainbow.

Painbow

Do not be fooled, these colors are all red, your mind is blocking out the horror

The painbow is a unique variant of the rainbow, it is an embodiment of pure fear and death. It is extremely deadly if eye contact is made. The first painbow was made when Albert Einstein, the creator of the first rainbow, stabbed himself in the eye with a stick while creating his Theory of Unrelativity, the resulting bloodshed poured into the sea, where it was resurrected into the painbow we know today. The government denies its existence, but who can trust those guys? Einstein died in the process but the government covered that up too.

Spelling

The word is only spelled correctly when inserting the following HTML code:

 <font color="red" size=+1>R</font><font color="orange" size=+2>A</font>
 <font color="yellow" size=+3>I</font><font color="green" size=+4>N</font><font 
 color="blue" size=+3>B</font><font color="indigo" size=+2>O</font><font color="violet" 
 size=+1>W</font>

That should look like this:
RAINBOW

W3C standards-obsessed pedants claim that this code is invalid Frontpage-esque crap, and the proper way to do rainbow text is:

 <style type="text/css"> span { font-size: 115%; } .red { color: red; } .orange { color: orange; }
 .yellow { color: yellow; } .green { color: green; } .blue { color: blue; } .indigo { color: cyan; }
 .violet { color: purple; } </style> <span class="red">R</span><span class="orange">
 A</span><span 
 class="yellow">I</span><span class="green">N</span><span class="blue">B</span><span class="indigo">
 O</span><span class="violet">W</span>

It ends up looking the same, but it's supposed to be easier for blind people and people with text-only browsers and people with really advanced browsers and people who write the code in the first place to understand. But who cares about them?

Other little known facts

• The Gay community has taken total ownership of the Rainbow. Regular citizens want it back, but we are too afraid to ask for it.
• Rainbows make me giggly (very giggly *giggle*)
• Contrary to popular opinion, you cannot actually "taste" a rainbow, but if you could it would probably taste like fabulousness.
• Captain Picard fires a rainbow phaser in Bloodrayne
• Making it to the end of a rainbow will end the world as we know it.
• Gays always take a bit of rainbow before they start the day.
• A rainbow is half the size of a double rainbow.
• The end of every rainbow is not a pot of gold, rather, they end in San Jacinto, California. If there are double rainbows, the more distinct of the two ends in San Jacinto, and the more faint one ends on my bed.
• God forbid there ever be a triple rainbow
• What the hell do rainbows have to with dudes who like to Censored it up the censored?