Prince George's County, Maryland

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“Prince George's County has a lot of black people!”

~ Captain Obvious

Prince George's County (also known as PG County and Maryland's Left Armpit) is a county in the US state of Maryland. It is one of the wealthiest minority majority counties in the nation, and has the most tall short people and the fewest fat skinny people. Many residents claim to be loyal citizens of Zamunda. It is also known for it's perpetual state of near anarchy.


Prince George's County has a population of 841,315, making it the largest county in Maryland to have a population divisible by 5. It has a total area of 485.43 square miles, and is in the process of ceding 0.43 square miles to Garrett County, so that its area will also be divisible by 5. The most recent Census studies showed:[1]

  • 66% African American -- Of that figure, only 9% could actually find Africa on a map. The other 91% pointed to southeast DC. The 9% of blacks who were actually able to find a map were deemed by the rest of the blacks as not "black enough," and were banished to Montgomery County and Northern Virginia, apparently in the interest of "keepin' it real." They are also the majority of the minority.
  • 27.9% White -- Of that figure, 50% could not jump, 36% wished they were black, and 14% were rejected by northern Virginia because of their association with PG County. Of this demographic group, the majority of minors are majoring in minority studies.
  • 11% Hispanic -- Of that figure, 100% were stone-drunk last weekend.


Paleface establishing nation on sacred tribal land (Pre-Revolution - Civil War)[edit]

Prince George's County was named for Prince George of Denmark, a minor prince who reached his majority while on an expedition to seek the source of the Patuxent River. The county once occupied almost half of Maryland, spanning from its current location westward into the area now known as Garrett County. It was at this time that it gained the reputation of being an armpit of the colonies. King George of England declared the county a disaster area and ordered it to have a civil war within itself. The population of the county was so angered by the King's order that they decided to rebel by growing tobacco. This led to the county seat being named after the major half of the Marlboro Man, or Upper Marlboro. To this day, the county anthem is "dum dum de dum, dum dum de dum, lalala, come to where the flavor is, come to Marlboro Country."

Paleface fighting Paleface over Darkface (Revolution - Civil War)[edit]

The growing of tobacco did not quell the colonists' anger. Still dissatisfied with the King's order, they decided to start riots and break the windows and burglarize the Asian-pwned shops. They stole muskets, salted hams, and Malt Liquor. Ironically, this led to civil war. In 1708, the county population tried to overthrow King George in order to stop the civil war. Unfortunately, they got him mixed up with Prince George. To this day, Prince George's restless soul wanders in the sewers that flow into the Patuxent River. In 1748, a huge portion of Prince George's County detached to form what is now Allegany, Frederick, Garrett, Montgomery, and Washington counties. But even this was not enough to end the civil war, which has lasted to this day.

20th Century[edit]

In the mid 1970's, the demographics of the county started to change from majority white to majority black. It then changed from minority black to minority white. Almost every day, the demographics changed, and finally this caused many residents of Prince George's County to move away from this constant annoyance. The Hispanic population was left to clean up the confusion.

As black people moved eastward into the county from Washington, D.C., white people fled in droves. In fact, for several years, it was almost impossible to rent or buy a drove in the county, especially one that hadn't been driven.

Car jams tens of miles long filled the arteries leaving the county, which pulsed with people, throbbing to leave, but heartened at the sight of newly built shopping malls in the neighboring swampland of Charles and Calvert Counties.

In the late 1990s, the city of Takoma Park, MD, straddled the two counties of Prince George's and Montgomery. Tiring of the confusion of being both a minority in a majority minority and a minority in a minority majority, a majority of Takoma Park's city council voted to become a minority in the bagel-eating, white, uppity, walk-like-you-got-a-corncob-up-your-ass Montgomery County. The Court for the 7th Judicial Circuit in Maryland, finding that a minority majority could not make any major decisions, preemptively ordered an eviction of the city from property within Prince George's County, leading to a major problem with minor impact on the majority minority pejorative sorority that rules Takoma Park with an iron fist. (The members of this gang go by the name FCNL and have large blue signs with the word "Peace" on them in their yards). The Prince George's County Sheriff, his posse, and an eviction crew of 300 drunken illegal Hispanics from neighboring Langley Park threw all of their crap across the newly-established border.

As Washington D.C. celebrated it's sharp drop in crime, Prince George's County received all of the people DC pushed into PG County in order to reduce its crime rate. In other words, DC got no safer,rather they pushed the undesirables over the border and celebrated with a cocaine party with Once and Future Mayor Marrion Barry.


In August of 2005, the television reality show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition decided to fix up a shack in (of all places) Capitol Heights, PG County. Everyone was shocked to find that the resident of the shack was in fact the ghost of Prince George of Denmark himself. Having finally reached his majority, he celebrated the occasion with champagne. Sleeping off his drunken stupor until the next day, he was accidentally incorporated into the wallpaper. For this reason, Prince George's County is a shoo in for the 2009 Nobel Prize for Most Extreme Makeover. After a big success of spending many hundreds of thousands of dollars, the citizens of Prince George's County decided to reward the crew by beating a crew member's wife senseless with a handgun and then proceeding to rob her.[2] In response, a spokesperson from the show vowed never to return and decided to renovate homes in a more "civil" environment.Southcentral LA, Tikrit, and the Gaza Strip were mentioned as alternatives.