Poets of the Fall

“The greatest achievement since I masturbated in the shower this morning!”

~ Batman on Kiimolovanoni's solo career

“The music industry will never be a Same again.”

~ Oscar Wilde on drugs

“Paska akka perkele vittu wtf???”

~ Moomin papa on the new band members

The three original members.

Poets of the Fall are a largely dependent (yet free in heart and mind) trance speed death polka group founded somewhere outside of Camp Molloy, Finland in the dawn of time (sometime in the mid-80's). Original band members were Markkiloukila, Kiimolovanoni and the Moomin papa. Their music consists largely of bleeping noises and babies crying sampled together in a no name brand industrial sized 80's synthesizer. The music stands out because it, unlike most other music, consists only of sound.

Band history

The beginning (1988–1997)

For several years the band member Markkiloukila attempted to write songs. Due to severe concentration issues this mostly resulted in the baking of cakes. What Markki thought was a musical hook was actually baking powder. He also confused a chorus with a spoon full of butter and a sprinkle of sugar.

The first few albums was therefore only sold by bakeries and grocery stores and bought by it's customers, which according to band balalajka player Moomin papa wasn't the original target audience. This unfortunate confusion resulted in Markki and Kiimo moving to Berlin, Germany to find themselves and Moomin papa to take his own life. Three days afterwards, his life was taken back by George Orwell who sold it to Microsoft and finally sold it back to it's original owner; Moomin papa's long lost ukranian father.

The great depression (1997–1997)

The band now split up for obvious reasons. While his two former band colleagues were freebasing coke and regularly visiting the Dr. Phil show, Kiimolovanoni pursued a solo career. He managed to sell 3 albums from the back of his Volvo 740, which is the highest amount of albums ever sold by a solo artist in Finland (The Beatle and Spice Girl together sold 2 albums which qualifies them both for second place).

Today (1997-Now)

The big break came in 2004 after recording the single Late Goodbye which was then used as the theme song for the Virtual Boy puzzle shooter game Max Payne, although without the band's permission. This unfortunate event shook the group up so badly that every single band member left. 15 years later, however, the band made a comeback with new band members. Poets of The Fall now consisted of Roger Moore, two Betty Spaghetti dolls and a handfull of senior citizens all named Agamemnon.

Merchandise and PR

POTF Action Figures

During 2001-2004 toy manufacturer Hasbro released a line of action figures depicting the original band members. The figures came in three different sizes, ranging from the 2" tall "Mini's" to the 10'3" "Micro's". The biggest figures were called back from toy store shelves after a severe problem with their hydrogen driven speech boxes resulting in the toys screaming sexist slurs and reciting the Nürnberg trial instead of singing hit songs.

The Movie

24 November, 2002 a feature film about the band was released. Moomin Papa claimed every event in the movie to have happened in the band's real career. This was although proven to be a false statement because of one detail concerning Swedish former soccer player Thomas Brolin in the bathroom scene, which occurs between the Princess Diana jungle scene and the third world war starting in the end of the movie. All other events and characters are real.

"Poets of The Fall - The Movie" was nominated for Best Anal Scene (Kiimolovanoni and Scarlett Johansson), Best Voice Acting (Roger Moore as Colonel Coconut) and Best Use Of Diseased Animal in a Movie (the elephant burial ground scene) but didn't win any of them.

Album track listing

Signs of Lifelessness and Craptastic Positions in Rugby cover art.

Signs of Lifelessness and Craptastic Positions in Rugby, 1989

1. "Water" – 3:59
2. "Why did they all go (it's not a party without my buddies)" – 3:35
3. "Carnival of Busts of David I Made in Shop Class" – 4:20
4. "Constipation Unlimited 2 ft. Poets of The Fall" – 3:58
5. "We are all pawns in our own game (which we will lose and then we die)" – 3:55
6. "Oh, how I long (for anal)" – 4:07
7. "Booze!" – 3:51
8. "Smells like teen spirit ft. Nelly Furtado & Bruce Willis Jr." – 14:28
9. "Diarreah Diaries" – 4:10
10. "Diarreah Diaries (Reprise)" – 4:10
11. "Finnish Polka" – 3:54
12. "Cock yo' gat, boi! (Skit)" – 13:54
13. "Do you breathe the name of your saviour in your hour of need and taste the blame if the flavour should remind you of greed?" – 0:12
14. "Maybe Tomorrow Is a Day" (Remasterated) – 5:01
15. "Kids ft. The Pussycat Dolls, T.I. & Akon" – 3:28

Bonus: Booze! music video and several minutes of hardcore child pornography

Forever Diamonds (of Doom) cover art.

Forever Diamonds (of Doom), 2001

1. "Intro (F*ck your kids)" – 7:28
2. "When I get home (I'll beat up my wife and kick my dog)" – 0:56
3. "Serbian National Anthem part II" – 8:58
4. "Groupie Love ft. Obie Trice" – 4:08
5. "Tigers of Tigers of Tigerland" – 10:03
6. "In heaven there are ghosts and they eat people" – 8:23
7. "Tricked out Ride Through The Farmlands" – 31:28
8. "Mama mia! Dogs talking food! ft. Daddy Longlegs of Bloodhound Gang" – 6:16
9. "Casino (not actually a casino) ft. Casino & The Wu-Tang Clan" – 9:24
10. "Costa Rica Love Stories (Actionman Remix)" – 8:23
11. "Flagnamit! I Shat My Pants At Church Again part II" – 8:49
12. "I Luv U (4 ever)" – 6:59

Poets of The Fall - The Movie OST, 2002

1. "Clubbed to Death" - 5:23
2. "Transformers Theme" - 1:24
3. "Freaked out (but still lonely)" - 2:38
4. "Shitneedles in The Soup of Destiny" - 7:47
5. "u dun bin punk'd yo feat. Kronik D-preshun - 2:55
6. "From Russia With Abdominal Pain" - 13:14

Late Goodbye cover art.

Late Goodbye, 2004

1. "Late Goodbye" – 3:46
2. "Early Goodbye" – 5:23
3. "Not that late (but it's atleast dark outside) Goodbye" – 9:21
4. "Goodbye Hollywood" – 20:24
5. "Hollywood Swinger" – 7:15
6. "Slingblade Happy Time ft. ABBA & Royce Da 5'9" – 0:03

Free Sample of Cheese With Every CD, 2006

1. "Cheesus Krieyzt" – 1:20

Revolution Go Fish cover art.

Revolution Go Fish, 2008

1. "More (than he got, 'cause he sucks)" – 5:12
2. "The Ultimate Ding Ding Dong" – 12:21
3. "Revolution Go Fish (Hey! Hey!)" – 2:58
4. "Psychonauts was totally overrated" – 2:01
5. "Fragsteal 101" – 1:45
6. "Clevermind (Clever title, eh?" – 9:11
7. "Mission Impossible Theme (Gorke Remix)" – 1:08
8. "Forever Diamonds ft. Fred The Man" – 3:12
9. "Passionate Watercolors ft. Lily Allen" – 0:21
10. "Safe Sex in Theory" – 0:46
11. "Where's my coke at? (I had it a minute ago, damnit!) ft. Redman & Nordman" – 4:12
12. "The Ultimate Ding Ding Dong (reprise)" – 12:22