|Poetry for people who hate poetry|
Poetic Justice is when justice is carried out with poetry. In court, for example, the defendant, plaintiff, justice, lawyers and jury all have to perform the whole trial in poetry or in rhyming prose. Blank verse is not permitted.
This can be done at the defendant's request (and amusement). Or, if the justice hearing the trial wishes it, whether or not the defendant wants it.
This is the opening line by the justice presiding over a court hearing. The defendant was accused of money laundering, fraud and murdering Mr. Snail:
The defendant shall now rise
And give reason for their lies
And to this end must tell the truth
As would be done in a confession booth
The court shall hear their point of view
Before hearing that of the other side too:
"I cannot say what I thought
On that night of despair,
But for certain I did not intend
To get caught in the act, there.
Hidden are the words of description
For me to give an accurate depiction
Of the events that led to the deed
But 'not guilty' I do plead."
Now come in, ye 'ccuser of the man,
For accuséd he be of a plan
Of cheating and murdering poor Snail.
If be so he shall go to jail.
Twas the seventeenth of May
I remember as though yesterday:
After bloody work he committed
To the church he admitted.
All I could hear was crying
Yet I know he was lying
He was not really sorry
Of murder and laund'ry.
Lies! All lies! I'm sorry I say,
If its money your after,
I can certainly pay
Or kittens - whatever your fancy
I know a supplier
But I implore you;
I AM NO LIAR!!
Bribery as well,
My, my what a show
You've dealt to your case
A serious blow
The best poetic justices and lawyers are Vogons as their poetry, even in judicial language, is the 33rd best poetry in the galaxy. Appeals are rare, as appellate court judges can rarely bear to read the transcripts. You see, the poetry judges are all Vogons, and a Vogon's idea of what is good poetry is unlike that of any other member of any other race in the multiverse.
We the klakmarts are the number one poets in this miserable little universe so nyaa
Frankly, almost none of this is true. But I'm not telling what.