Public service announcement
<The following is a public service message from Wikia>
Hey, it’s me, Luke Perry, circa 1992. …You know, Dylan? From 90210?
Anyway, I have something serious to talk to you about. I hear there’s some kids out there getting into some really bad stuff.
That stuff is called mescaline.
Now, I know some of you might think it’s cool to --
Whoa, sorry about that one kids. Like I was saying, this is Luke Perry, circa 1992.
Anyway, I hear that some of you kids out there are getting into some really bad stuff. That stuff is called stir-fried Bolivian goat balls.
Now, I know some of you might think it’s cool to go to a nearby Bolivian goat ranch, snag a goat by his scrotum, lop its nuts off with a rusty steak knife, put them in a big wok, and cook them up with chow mein noodles and water chestnuts. But you know what, that’s not cool at all.
What’s being cool is being you. What’s being cool is being yourself. What’s being cool is being redundant.
Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is stay Above the Influence.
This is Luke Perry, circa 1992, and if I say it’s not cool, you know it’s not cool.
<The following is a public service message from Wikia>
This is Luke Perry, circa 1992.
Hello? Dylan? 90210? Yeah, that Luke Perry.
Anyway, I hear that some of you kids out there are getting into some really bad stuff. That stuff is called dick-smacking your mom in the face in church.
Now, I know some of you, mostly the guys, might think it’s cool to stand up in church, whip out your wang, wiggle it around like a jiggleworm, and give it a couple whaps to your old mom’s cheek, making a sweet echo effect across the pews.
But you know what, that’s not cool at all. Maybe it would be cool if it was your stepmom. Stepmoms are all a bunch of hoes and totally unfair. But maybe you could just stay Above the Influence. ..Yeah, that’s what the guy in the director’s chair seems to be waving at me to say. You should probably go with that one. Above the Influence. Peace.
<The following is a public service message from Wikia>
This is Luke Perry, circa 1992. Yeah, right; Dylan.
I hear that some of you kids out there are getting into some really bad stuff. That stuff is called suicide car bombing.
Now, I know some of you might think it’s cool to get into Islam or some of those other trendy Eastern religions, call jihad on our capitalist infidel society, load your mom's Bonneville with 25 pounds of C4, and drive it into a U.S.-friendly embassy for an orgasmic explosion of scattered blood and debris. But you know what, that’s not cool at all.
What’s being cool is staying Above the Influence, and fuck me if I know what that means.
<The following is a public service message from Wikia>
This is Luke Perry, circa 1992. If you don’t know me by now, well, I’m not explaining.
Anyway, I hear that some of you kids out there are getting into some really bad stuff. That stuff is called hiring 12-year-old Indonesian children to defecate on your face.
Now, I know some of you might think it’s cool to have a poor street urchin from an impoverished Southeast Asian nation pull his or her little pants down and squeeze a chocolate donkey onto your schnoz.
But you know what, that’s not cool at all.
What’s cool is being me. What’s cool is fucking the brains out of Jennie Garth before she became a fat whore with kids. And that Saved by the Bell chick, yeah, I got her, too. So, uh, do the Above the Something-or-whatever… You know.
<The following is a public serv -- Hey! What the?!>
Hey, it’s me. Luke Perry circa right fucking now. Anyway, I hear some of you kids have seen my public service announcements and are laughing at me saying stuff like “LOL look at the washed up tv star ha ha ha” and even “Hey, what’s the problem Luke, can’t find work anymore?” but let me tell you, I can tell you for a fact I’ve gotten laid way more than you. So get a life, fuck you all, and you can all go fall in a hole and die.
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