Orange County is the first official project of the Phoenix Group (a top secret group of scientists funded by the president.) Its mission: to create actual places based on the cities, towns and counties of television shows.
Built on a closed set in the hills of Anaheim, Orange County has the distinction of being the first planned community based on the super perfect ideals of the Third Republican Army. Namely the pursuit of larger and larger SUVs and increasing the effectiveness of Bed Bath & Beyond coupon campaigns.
Orange County implements the basic strategy of the Third Republican Army in the following ways.
- Make everything affordable. Think as if you were an illegal alien earning less than minimum wage and price everything affordably. Currently minimum wage equates to $500,000 per year, so it's okay if waves of yuppie investors drive all the housing prices into the million dollar range.
- Make everything original. There's no room for boring conformity in a caffeine fuelled nonstop raver world driven by pursuit of the big bucks. If you build a new shopping centre, for god's sake don't put another Old Navy in there, this is the Third Republican Army we are talking about here, where there IS no uniform. Remember, capitalism is built on creativity. Encourage your employees to speak up!
- Fill the people with a joy for life and they will be able to afford SUVs to enjoy life in. Try to make everything beautiful. There's no time to read anyway as you zoom past all those rolling hills and tree lined avenues in Irvine. Try to greet everyone you see with a smile and become involved in other people's lives. They will appreciate you for it.
Orange County has proven to be a tremendous success so far. Already it has produced its own spin off city, Disneyland. Orange County is so perfect though that it is often the target of false criticism. Usually it is from some other county, one NOT based on a hit TV show (snicker, snicker).
In summation, Orange County is an inexpensive, creative and joyous place to live. More places need to be built on the premise of television shows. Also, Los Angeles totally wishes it could be Orange County.
In 1972, during a brief period of Martial Law, President Richard Nixon (who was from Orange County) signed edict "O" and "C" into law. These edicts gave special voting powers to all residents of Orange County. These special voting powers were granted in an effort to combat the spread of liberalism.
- Law "O" (known as the 50K rule) restricts voting rights to persons with an annual income of $50,000 per year or greater. This was done to lessen the burden on domestic workers (gardeners, maids, etc.) who might otherwise feel pressured to vote.
- Law "C" (known as the multiplier rule) multiplies the ballot count of an eligible voter (see the 50K rule) by the number shown in box 2 (federal income tax withheld) of that voter’s IRS W2 form. This was done to allow for equalization of taxation and representation.
Note: In an effort to limit misuse of these special voting powers, both laws only apply to state and national elections, not city or county elections.
In recent developments, County residents have also proposed a new name for Orange County. As there are no surviving Oranges to be found in Orange County anymore, nor orchards to grow them in, the residents have proposed a new, more genuine name for the territory. 'House County', is the leading contender.
'House County', the proposed new name, has been met with anger from local city councils, however, who say the new name is much too honest, much too telling. Tourism might suffer, they feel, by renaming a county to what it actually looks like. Some residents feel this makes no sense, however, since many of the local city councils profited enormously from tearing down countless orchards to erect cheap housing. The debate rages on.
The cities, communities and suburban slums
Orange County has about 30, 32, 35 or 38 (who's counting) incorporated cities and unincorporated towns. Sorry if it's sorta long, but hilarious and so much is true. Not counted on here is Corona, that's in the Inland Empire but a fart's throw away to the Orange County line.