North Avenue Trade School
The North Avenue Trade School, officially the Georgia Tech University Polytechnic School, commonly shortened to Georgia Tech or Gech, is the name of a public technical college in Atlanta, GA. It boasts several alumni who managed to overcome the vast amount of alcohol consumed during their experiences there, notably Jimmy Carter and Raptor Jesus (Ph.D.)
History[edit]
Georgia Tech University Polytechnic School was founded in 1885, during the period of reconstruction after Atlanta was burned to the ground by invaders from the North. The state legislature allocated funding for the creation of a “Technical or Engineering school, of sufficient caliber to make even the brightest young minds come to hate their existence” and appointed a committee to decide on the school’s location. The committee soon became split into one faction who wanted the school in Atlanta, and one that thought it should be part of the “University” of Georgia in Athens. The deadlock was ended when one of the Athens camp, a U(sic)GA alumnus, died after drunkenly driving his tractor into the Oconnee River. Infuriated, the students in Athens planned to march to Atlanta and burn the State Board of Education down in protest, however, half of the group got lost and ended up in Algiers (which they confused with Atlanta), and the other half died from alcohol poisoning before reaching the city.
The University was built on land that was originally the site of a Cherokee burial ground and was later used a city dumping ground. Georgia Tech slowly expanded over the next half century, the brick buildings around Tech Tower that are always 100 degrees inside were built during this period, and the football team was started. The ANAK society, which would secretly rule Georgia Tech until the 1990s, and would go on orchestrate several wars in Latin America and Africa was founded in 1908. The school admitted its first female student in 1917 (the gender ratio has not improved much since then).
Gech became more research oriented in the 1950s, and even had its own nuclear reactor until paranoid city bureaucrats decided in the nineties that having an active reactor in a densely populated major city was not a good thing for some reason. The campus prospered in the 1990s and early 2000s under the benevolent rule of the great G Wayne Clough, and is currently headed by the illustrious Bud Peterson (may he reign for ten-thousand years!) The school now prides itself on being under constant construction, having the highest suicide rate of any school in the southeast, and having a slightly lower alcoholism rate than the “dawgs” in Athens.
Traditions[edit]
The North Avenue Trade School boasts several noteworthy "traditions," referring to the pitches given to prospective new students at "orientation":
- Attempting to convince the freshmen that the "University of Georgia is not an accredited college.
- Explaining that all freshmen wear silly yellow hats at all times. Some years the staff goes so far as to provide the hats.
- Teaching the freshmen a secret code word that refers to cheat sheets. Any freshman attempting to actually use this word while requesting cheat sheets is immediately recognized as being uncool and is given fake cheat sheets. Usually this word is "Word."
- Tricking the freshmen into thinking that the North Avenue Trade School is a fun place to be. (The school pays girls from Georgia State and Kennesaw State or prostitutes to walk around the campus during orientation to make the ratio seem even.)
- Getting the hell beat out of them by the University of Georgia in sports
Student Life[edit]
Student body[edit]
The student body of the North Avenue Trade School consists primarily of hackers and valedictorians. The average student is an Indian or Asian Male, with an IQ of approx 140. The students are commonly recognized by their general hatred of life, blank soulless eyes, or the distinct lump of a USB flash drive in their pocket. MARTA riders can tell when a Tech student is returning to school by the open sobbing and frantic studying on the train.
After graduation, Tech students are known by many names. They are North ave residents, geeks, Robert, or Nerds
Stress[edit]
The trade school has consistently been reviewed as having the least happy and most stressed students in the nation. This leads to the high level of liver failure.
The Ratio[edit]
The ratio of males to females at the North Avenue Trade School is known as the Ratio. The Ratio is believed to be around 7:3. However, this is simply a lie perpetuated to attract more female students. The true ratio is likely 9:1, and if non-science and non-engineering majors are excluded, the ratio is likely closer to 99:1.
Housing[edit]
The dilapidated and overcrowded condition of student housing has been a concern for several years. In many cases, a third student is forced to sleep in a two-person dorm. This third student is usually forced to either sleep on the floor or with someone else in the same bed. Freshmen housing is located at the bottom of "Freshman Hill," forcing them to hike uphill to class each day. Most new buildings have a dedicated girls floor, allowing for the necessary separation from creepers.
Activities[edit]
Most students are highly introverted and prefer to stay in their dorms playing video games for the majority of their free time. There are very few activities for social individuals. These include parties with a variety of liquors and music. This style of party (quality over quantity) means that the school is not listed as a "top party school." The reason people do not associate drinking with Tech, mostly due to the ability of students to still achieve above-average success compared to passed out students visible on a nearby campus.
Crime[edit]
Though the students of Georgia Tech are usually to busy studying for their never-ending tests to be involved in anything remotely interesting themselves, crime is a severe problem on campus. The neighborhood of Home Park to the north of Gech is unsafe at any time of day. The police have limited control over the area and it is advised not to enter it without an armed guard. Foreign consulates specifically state they will not extract their nationals from the area, and those who enter frequently do not return. The campus police have set up a demilitarized zone along 10th street, but heavily armed bandits from the north often manage to cross it. On campus,gay rape is routinely reported, especially during fraternity rush at GAI because incoming freshmen are not told that it is a homosexual fraternity. Nearly every member of Phi Omicron Tau fraternity has been arrested for marijuana possession. It has even become an unofficial initiation for incoming members, so much that new pledges are not considered brothers until they have been arrested. Reports of students caught using meth, crack, and cocaine to study are increasingly common every semester around midterms and finals. Gang violence is exacerbated by number of students visiting the neighborhoods to the north and west in order to purchase drugs.
Class[edit]
On average Techies spend only around 14 hours in class. However in this short amount of time they are expected to "learn" about many "important" subjects. Such as: Thermodynamics, System Dynamics, Orbital Mechanics, Quantum Mechanics, and Statistical Approach to Pokemon. From those measly 14 hours a week they are expected to do at minimum 30 hours of homework a week.
Dead Week[edit]
Dead week is the name given to the week before finals by Techies. The name dead week is derived from the phrase "I wish I was dead", because during dead week this is heard constantly. During this week students spend most of their time studying and bargaining with Satan to pass their classes. Satan typically ask for the blood of a non-virgin in exchange for a "C", as opposed to the blood of a virgin, because he knows it will be harder for Techies to come across.
Mascot[edit]
The North Avenue Trade School has two major mascots: Buzz and an old wrecked car that the auto shop has been fixing for more than 50 years. It is often driven onto the field during football games, but if a freshman touches it, they are immediately castrated by the roaring crowd of frat "bros" believing they are cursed.
Rivalries[edit]
The main rival of the North Avenue Trade School is the human female. NATS students and alumni tremble in fear at the sight of human women. Most NATS students believe women are mythical creatures because most NATS students have not spent enough time away from playing the World of Warcraft to actually see a girl in real life.
Practically all women are unaware of this rivalry as most women are unaware of the existence of NATS.
They also are beaten by the University of Georgia on a regular basis