Moodiesburn
Moodiesburn is a small barbarian village in the vicinity of Cumbernauld and is also near Glasgow. The barbarians of Moodiesburn have fought in many clan wars, including the bloody war of 2010 with Kazakhstan, frequent battles with Canada, and the more recent battle with the Moon.
Life In Moodiesburn[edit]
The people of moodiesburn (from what evidence has shown) are a very unitelligent bunch. Bones show thick skulls and long arms with thumbless paws. They live off a diet of cannibalism, buckfast tonic wine and The odd chippy from "Fat Doms" chip shop, yet some collected faeces suggests that a chinx from the "wok inn" or a chocolate confectionary bar from "Normans" may be ingested in times of famine. "M'burners" are known to drum upon their vests, it is a weird and unusual tradition that dates back to the invasion of the pigeons from Stepps in 2003, a dark day in the proud history of the community.
Culture[edit]
The natives of Moodiesburn, worship passing planes and have many a time constructed large towers in an effort to reach these "Gods of the Sky". The plane is represented on the moodiesburn coat of arms above the motto "Il fukkin stabb ye ya wee bawbag kunt!
The town is at perpetual war with several Ned gangs or "Teemz" fighting for territorial supremacy. Some of the most prominent gangs are Mburn , loosely translated as the "Manure Burners" and the Y.M.H. (no information at present, researchers keep showing up dead with ritualistic wounds in the face known only as "Chibbinz").
The future is bright?[edit]
The British government home office has recently cancelled all initiatives to regenerate Moodiesburn and has given up all territorial claims to it which have been taken by the Peoples Republic of Bangladesh (sources show that the landlock is avoided by underground tunnel networks that have already been found in neighboring towns Kilsyth and Croy, in which a recent cave in has killed over 32 crojans (crojans=people from Croy).
The local youngsters attend St Michael's Primary School, which was once a borstal. Former pupils include George Galloway, Jeremy Paxman, Mel Gibson, William Hague and Prince Charles. The village's other school - Glenmanor Primary school - is in fact a secret SS missile silo. Fuck knows where the kids go.
Moodiesburn has a terrible problem: due to global warming, penguins have begun to migrate, and under the protected species protection act of the protectorate of protected penguins, they cannot be killed by the inhabitants of moodiesburn; the penguins have caused terrible overcrowding.
Economy[edit]
Tourists often visit this town, or at least, try to drive past or through it without attracting the attention of the local Neds. Similar to Neds from other parts of the country (Scotland), these ones are distinctive by their viciousness and ugliness.
Fame[edit]
Moodiesburn shot to fame recently when Jo Brand (Pictured right) performed 'Physical' surrounded by hunky men (Mel Gibson, Anne Robinson, Jesus, your_mom, you, and the crew of the USS_Enterprise).
Newspapers and television cameras were everywhere, and quite a few celebrities were visible in the audience including Joseph Stalin, Jeremy Paxman, Daniel Craig, George Best and Angus Deayton. In the same week, it has been reported that orphan-stealing Madonna is thinking of buying a house in the area.
Recently a statue of a miner made from lead was stolen days after it was erected.It was stolen from a memorial and is possibly being melted down to make "special hats" to shield moodiesburn inhabitants from the harmful gamma rays that have made the youths of the town look like extras from "Wrong Turn"