Missing link
The missing link (aka Rob "I want banana" Trujillo of Metallica) is an elusive animal found in the ancient Great Rift Valley, and on the present and future Internet.
Origins[edit]
The missing link first started appearing on Earth from the Internet around 30000 BC, but scholars cannot agree as to why the creature left its lofty home in the high bandwidths to a barren wasteland of death and illness.
As far as modern science tells us, the missing link has been living on the Internet since the beginning of time.
Exodus[edit]
After living on Earth for thousands of years uninhibited, the missing links were displaced by an emerging species. This rival animal was a clumsy, ugly, bipedal creature who worshipped the sky. Historians refer to this crossbreed of apes and peaches as humans.
The humans did not like the missing links, because every time one was discovered, they would forget where they came from and backtrack someplace comepletely different. Generations of mutual hatred boiled into war, and soon the missing links were forced to withdraw back to their internets.
The year 33 AD chronicles the year when the last missing link, Jesus, ascended into the Internet, where he is now CEO of Google.
Famous Missing Links[edit]
- "LUElinks" (code name) -- A website that used to exist, but was destroyed when the foundation gave way to the ancient dwelling of a missing link. All information at this address was lost, and the missing link will viciously rip apart whomever chooses to travel near its lair.
- "Redirect" (code name) -- A friendly missing link that helps stupid people find what they're looking for. Redirect has been found helping Beethoven compose his Ninth Symphony, and helping Ferdinand Magellan circumnavigate the Earth. Most recently, Redirect stopped Al Gore from re-inventing the potato and turned him towards the Internet. For more information, we would like to redirect you to redirect.com.
- "*Click-click, throatbellow*" -- The childhood friend of Lucy, one of the oldest humans to still not receive the vote. This missing link's name is in Lucy's indigenous language, and phonetically translates roughly to "Phouro-Fore." Phouro-Fore is one of the first modern sightings of missing links on the Internet.
- The Minkey
Important Scientific Achievements of Missing Links[edit]
The missing links were the first species to map and chart Unknown, and pioneered the sport of surfing.
The clever species created a perpetual motion machine in 1939 and mass-produced it to the Nazis for World War II. The links got pissed when the Germans renamed their patented product "Blitzkrieg," and absorbed it into the Internet again in 1945, where it again was renamed Mozilla.