Let your cat be your shrink

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Note: all pictures in this article have been edited to protect the guilty

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One of the good things of investing your time, money, furniture, family, friends and possible girl- or boyfriend in a cat is that you will never have to pay anything to your shrink anymore. A cat can be a way better shrink then the ones the government wants you to see ever since the TV caught on fire when you tried to save the news anchor trapped inside by swinging an axe into it, burning your house down.

Cats will touch your deepest emotion. Or scratch your chest.

Cats are always busy with your case[edit]

Don't let their closed eyes fool you! A cat is always busy with his analysis on you. He or she will give you hints regarding its finds during the day. So, don't think the cat is simply yowling in the middle of the night or tearing your new sofa to pieces for nothing. In this case the yowling means that you should get up to find yourself a mat. By tearing up the new sofa the cat is telling you that it will kill you in your sleep if you do not submit to its whim and feed it at three in the morning. Cats are a bunch of selfish, bird murdering bastards like that, you see, but they are oh so adorable still.

The drugs[edit]

The best thing however, on having your cat be your shrink are the drugs cats prescribe. Chemist cats have been known to be the engineers of LSD, but nowadays much more advanced drugs are available in your local pet store, a feline pharmacist will fill your prescription. Unfortunately as nurses cat's are notoriously bad at giving suppositories with their claws and will play with sutures; big cats make excellent surgeons however, contact one with loud screaming and get help immediately if you are ever severely injured and bleeding in the wilderness.

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