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A pharmacist and his apprentice, performing intricate laser micro-surgery.

Apothecaries (as Pharmacists are known in fancy language) are people who can't get into med school, too dumb to do Chemistry, and too chicken to cut rats in Biology.

Role as drug dealers, no, not that kind of drug dealer[edit]

  • Pharmacists offer general medical advice, psychological counseling, and a wide range of health services such as surgery, dentistry and midwifery, which often results in death for people who took their advice seriously.
  • In between appointments, pharmacists do lots of drugs. They are notorious kitten huffers, on the level of ALF; their brains so raddled with addiction they are now mere biological puppets chasing the next tabby.
  • Pharmacists have perfectly balanced brain chemistry, always operating at their peak biological efficiency, which is why they weigh things so well on scales.
  • Pharmacists carry on their trade through a retail shop called a pharmacy, where they wear their ghostly white lab coats, providing 24/7 service without sleeping.
  • Treatments and surgeries are conducted by the pharmacist in the sterilized back room of the conveniently-located neighborhood pharmacy using modern, 3D printed tools.
  • Pharmacists do all sorts of things that a robot vending machine could never do, like...
  • Pharmacists are sometimes scolded by doctors for trying too hard to act like a doctor.
  • Pharmacists plays an important role in being used as lab rats for testing new drugs.


They were taught a 101 ways to wear their lab coat. They may learn a little bit about biology and chemistry.

The watchwords in pharmacist's training are do nothing and look good in your white coat in a drug store everyday.

Continuing education[edit]

It is pointless, no matter how much they learn, they will forever be stuck as the dudes in white lab coat standing around in the drug store.

Future trends[edit]

A vending machine with a scale in it and a video phone monitored by hospitals and the police, for when the pharmacy inevitably gets robbed.

See also[edit]