James the Red Engine

“I blame Edward.”

~ The Obese Controller on The quote below this one

“It r b time for teh party!!!!!!!!”

~ James the Red Engine

Don't stare directly into his eyes.

James the Red Engine is the first completely red object in medical history to suffer to suffer from AD/HD (Predominantly Hyperactive Type). Freaky.

James' life so far

James started life somewhere in Australia, and was used to frighten British people away. However, The Obese Controller had realised Edward was sick of life in the same country as Gordon, so he ordered a professional Australian wrestler over the phone to kill Edward. Instead, he got James, and a letter...

Hey,
Soz that we couldn't get you a professional wrestler, but they all died in a...uh...marching
accident.  But we found a really cool engine in someone's garbage, and thought you might like
him, cause he's been beating up obese Brits like you for six whole months.  And he'll 
probably be better at killing other engines, anyway. 
Soz again,
Creator of James

The Obese Controller took James, mainly because of his hyperactive nature and low knowledge of labour laws.

James' life since arriving on Sodor

James' only friend is Edward, and even he only made friends with James because he was sick of James' catchphrase "Hey, I like sugar, do you like sugar? Yay, be my friend!", which 'somehow conveyed an image of Ron Weasley', according to Edward.

Edward told James to shunt trucks while singing Ron Weasley's hit single, 'Follow the Butterflies (Bothering Snape)' until he got tired. This was in 1942. If you vist Sodor today, you will find James with 2700 trucks, singing the world's second most annoying song.

James' psychological condition

As mentioned before, James is the only completely red object in the history of forever to suffer from AD/HD (Predominantly Very, Very, Very Hyperactive Type). Since James is runs on sugar instead of coal, this isn't surprising. Well, it could be, but it isn't. James is partial to spinning round on turntables so fast it makes his Driver feel nauseous, insisting everything he has ever done in his life is in honour of Paris Hilton and asking random passers-by to be his friend. This type of behaviour has been observed by Theme Hospital psychiatrists for 20 years, and they have come to the conclusion the James, indeed, is crazy.

Assasination attempts

The following people have attempted to kill James:

• A group of Sims, who thought James was responsible for all the world's ills.

• The Obese Controller (Self-explanatory, really).

• Death itself.

• The Anti-Sugar Society.

Role in the James the Red Engine films

James is obviously Harry, though according to people who hadn't even seen the films or anything like it, he 'ruined Harry's character'. Maybe because he was a little to over-enthusiastic when it came to defeating Voldemort (He never lived to see Venice).