James Dean

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A young Dean before his famed "Kittencaust" to prove that he deserved the lead in ""Rebel Without A Cause""

James "Y'all Don't Know Squat" Dean was a Scottish actor who gained international stardom as soon as he developed eyebrows. Tragically, he disappeared whilst cycling in the Bermuda Triangle (sorta like that guy in Spinal Tap), and never finished his sandwich which greatly upset the staff at 'The Pyramid Hotel' - the Triangles' in that most famous of Triangles.

Early Life

Dean was born an hour and a half late, early on establishing himself as 'a rebel'. He was the legitimate love child of Errol Flynn (but then again aren't we all) and is rumoured to be a descendant of 'Adam & Eve' (no relation of the fictional characters of that book everyone keeps talking about). Shortly after his birth, his mother sent him to live with his grandmother - Big Mama, & grandfather - Martin Laurence, on the Cotton fields of Denver U.S.A, where she hoped he would have a better life. His grandma exposed him to something that changed the course of his life, Bollywood Movies. It's from these that he developed his love, discipline & quality of acting that we all know him so well for (not to mention some kick ass dance moves). And on his 18th Birthday, Jimmy left Denver hitch-hike to India, hoping make it big as a Bollywood Star.

A Star Is Born

Unlike actual stars, he was not created from a nebula in outer space; he would have struggled on daily basis with his stardom because he would just be a ball of super-heated hydrogen and helium gas.

A Legend is Made

Yes, yes. He is a legend. But it's true: he did suck cock[citation needed]. All the chicks wanted to save him, all the guys and lesbians wanted to be him. So basically who cares if he was a gay, he is cool. End of.

The Kittencaust and the End of Film Career

In 1955, in the wake of East of Eden, Dean was cast for a bit part in Giant but was not considered for a role which he felt "described him," that of a schizophrenic motorcycle enthusiast in Rebel Without A Cause. It had been given to Elvis Presley, and indeed, the majority had already been shot by the time Dean learned of the project. What followed is Hollywood legend. Dean spent 2 weeks gathering up every single cat he could find in New York City, placing them in the Blaine Hotel. When he claimed to have "thousands of cuddly kittens," he burned the entire hotel to the ground. Presley quit the project from depression, and thus Dean was used to re-shoot the entire film.

The Accident

Dean at the height of his sausage empire.

While driving to the premiere of Rebel, Dean reportedly "got lost" while driving and was found the following morning on the floor of a Las Vegas hotel room. Though there appeared to be no physical trauma, he inexplicable had gained a Southern accent. He would never act again.

Food Industry

Dean invented the sausage in 1962, supposedly inspired by a pornographic film he had seen. It was the greatest food succes since the twinky. Overnight Dean became a multimillionare. To celebrate, he bought two mansions. One was in Texas, the other in Morocco. He traveled between the two frequently, to "meet a variety of women."


While on a trip between his two mansions, Dean's plane disappeared on September 30, 1972. It is reported he was singing the Oasis song "The importance of being Idle" at the time of the disappearance, although as this is more than 30 years before the song was written, this cannot be confirmed. There are some conspiracy theories that state Yoko Ono orchestrated the assassination, but there has been no concrete evidence found.

Speculated sexual orientation

There have been several accounts of Dean being heterosexual.

Dean Sightings

Since his death, he has appered in my closet various times. WHAT A FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!. i was walking to my bathroom and i saw his head looking out off my toliet. so I shot him the face with a 357. Some people claim they have seen him on the eye of a needle, in a box of Malteasers, and on a grain of sweetcorn.