International Funk Day

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There are two separate definitions for 'International Funk Day'.

International Funk Day - The Album[edit]

International Funk Day was released on CD and DVD at the conclusion of the War of Funk. It was a compilation of the greatest funking stuff that all factions in the War of Funk deemed to be funky. The war had been a long and funky one involving several factions which all championed different definitions of what it is that The Funk is. Eventually an armistice was brokered by the United Nations with all parties agreeing that they would celebrate all definitions of Funk on International Funk Day. This is why both an audio and video format was required for the commemorative discs to fully encompass all the forms of funkiness.

Funky Factions[edit]

The funky factions were as follows:

  • The Blue Funk Faction: This alliance of old cranky codgers championed Funk as a kind of brooding anger and they utilized psychological warfare (e.g. sulking and whining) as the primary weapons in the War of Funk. When push came to shove however they would invariably respond in fear and panic to the actions of the other factions.
  • The Smell The Funk Faction: This confederation of pimps and players strove to establish Funk as the pungent scent of sexual intercourse. In the War of Funk they utilized advanced forms of forward offense such as fucking in the streets to combat opponents. They however had a major issue with losing vital electrolytes in the days before Gatorade.
  • The Funk Iz The Funk Faction: This collective of musicians and music fans became the biggest and most aggressive faction in the War of Funk as they moved and grooved and got down on the battlefields and blew the roof off the sucker in enemy encampments (dig?). This faction utilized a range of tactics such as staccato horn blasts, razor-sharp guitar, fuzztone bass sonic-booms, wah-wah pedals, burning electric organs, cooking rhythms and incessant 24-hours-a-day jam sessions to both energize loyalists and fatigue opponents.
  • The Funky Funky Funky See How Funky My Funky New Thing Is Faction: What a bunch of twonks. This horde of young tryhards strove to turn Funk into anything even vaguely nifty or novel or cool or hip or worthy of general approval and acceptance. Under this faction a lime green t-shirt with orange flower motif was suddenly 'Funky'. Within a short space of time this faction was infiltrated and fragmented by agents from both The Smell The Funk Faction and The Funk Iz The Funk Faction so that only a small rump was left at the time of the armistice.

Changing times[edit]

With the Funky Funky Funky See How Funky My Funky New Thing Is Faction all-but-gone and The Blue Funk Faction hiding and whining in a corner, only two factions were left to prosecute the campaign and over time they came to recognize that they could accommodate each side, with The Funk Iz The Funk Faction occupying the stage and stalls, and The Smell The Funk Faction skulking furtively in dark corners round the side and back of the room. Hans Blix of the UN only came along in the hope of some free pot and only really rubber-stamped a ceasefire that was already in progress. It was George Clinton (The Funk Iz The Funk Faction) and Cleopatra Jones (The Smell The Funk Faction) who decided to record a 'multisensory multimedia multifunking dancingsinging screwingsmellarific' disc to celebrate the happy end of the War of Funk (baby). While the disc incorporates both audio and video, its makers are yet to perfect its scratch-n-sniff sleeve cover.

International Funk Day - The Day[edit]

International Funk Day* is a somewhat inaccurately titled week beginning every year on October 18, that is, if the participants remember to celebrate is routine to celebrates the 43 days leading up to october 18th by drinking and looking at boobs as often as possible. It is similar to regional festivals like the 'Mojo and Turnip Appreciation Afternoon of Wapping-on-Sea', in north England and the 'South-east-south Wyoming District Evening for Mutual Bohemian Admiration'.

A Brief** History of International Funk Day[edit]

The modern International Funk Day began way back in the mists of time, or at some point before then. Traditionally, participants in this 'Day of Funk' would roam the streets, looking for hippies to stir, some niks to beat, or some other type of suffix, prefix, or 'just any kind of fix, man'. (This quote is attributed to famous funk-man Joey 'Jo Jo' Joe of Joestown, Joesville, but he claims he was elsewhere at the time).

In the early years of International Funk Day, the proponents of funksterdom quickly distinguished themselves from the crowd of niks and hippies by a number of distinct, if not distinguished, terms. In the words of one famous funkster, 'The squares think it's hip to be a square! But I say it's hip to square a hip.' Nobody knew what this meant, which was rather comforting, as they were all stoned anyway.

A non-comprehensive list of Funk Terminology[edit]

  • Funkosaurus - Someone who has been a fan of George Clinton since at least 1870.
  • Funk-Buddy - Someone, typically a member of the opposite sex, with whom you enjoy a strictly no-strings appreciation of Funk-Music.
  • FNUK - A British clothing chain.
  • Funkle - Funkster who may or may not be related to you, depending on whether you feel like admitting to it or not.
  • Funkamentalist - A person who preaches funk ('He preaches the gospel of funk - he does not feature the gospel of punk!' anon.)
  • Funkoordinated - Being able to live the jive.
  • Funkwit - Non funky person. Person who acts like he has it, but he REALLY don't got it.- anon.
  • Funk Hair - Hairstyle. Kind of like punk hair, but kind of not.
  • Funklestein - A funkster who finks on another funkster for the greater good of funksterdom.
  • Funk Flunk - See *Funkwit, above.
  • Funk hole - A dugout or similar place of shelter or refuge in WW1. Eg "I have had it with these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking Funk Hole!"
  • Funkzilla - Ruler of funk, come to the funk side or suffer the wrath of Funkzilla!
  • International Funk Day is not to be confused with 'International Day of Funk', a day for people use bad spelling to do rude things.
  • Brief history of International Funk Day = Possibly longer than it deserves