HowTo:Drown Kittens in Flavor

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos

So you already huffed many kittens and you're starting to find the process of it really, really, bland and boring. I mean seriously, after months of huffing those kittens, feeling high, thinking you can huff them in your sleep, huffing the same grey kitten over and over again for months on end. You begin to yearn for some flavor in your kittens. Unfortunately, there is no flavor in kittens these days, what with all of the inbreeding and all, hell even the orange ones have no taste. So what do you do? You have to drown them in flavor.

“MMMMM.kitten. I love it when it has taco sauce.”

~ Poly-Jib on Kittens Being huffed in taco sauce.

Why drown them in flavor?[edit]

Because the kittens will be covered in some sort of sauce, both inside and out, making them extra delicious and making the trip for you different each time. So if you dipped it in Teriyaki sauce. You would see a lot of Japanese stuff such as Anime and Godzilla, additionally. You would be speaking in Japanese, which would be cool if you'd haven't forgotten your English. Let's pray that when that cat wears off, you'll remember your English.

Another sauce you could dip it in is Russische Sauce. Which would turn your sight into Commie-Vision where everywhere you see is Propaganda and everyone you see is a comrade, you would also be speaking in Russian so everything you would expect to say would come out as "FREE REVOLUTION FOR ALL COMRADE", confusing neighbors and friends alike. The effects of the sauce wear off rather quickly, making this sauce good if you want about 15 minutes of getting high.

Another thing to try it with is Marijuana, which does haves its benefits, as it induces you into a dream state infused with lots of lots of kittens. The effects of both of these drugs combined is so high, you'll be high for at least 4 days or so, which is good for a druggie like you. Basically there are many combinations of sauces you could drown your kitten in. I've tried like 460,000 combinations already, and each one has a different effect. So that's why you should drown kittens in flavor, so you can get high in a different way, every time.

“*Slurp Slup*”

~ Jib on flavoring kittens

What you'll need[edit]

Look at the sauce, you just know you want to drown a kitten in that.

Obviously you'll need a kitten, because what is drowning a kitten in flavor and then huffing it without a kitten? Getting kittens is obviously easy as you can find them in "pet stores" and being sold across the street from drug dealers. Now that you've got your kitten, you need to get your sauce. Obviously they're in a supermarket so you might want to avoid suspicion, try dressing yourself in a trench coat and a top hat. Now you are totally unnoticeable.

Walk down to your local supermarket and go up to the nearest clerk. Ask him in a calm manner, "Where can I find the sauces". Now try to be totally calm and relaxed. After all, you don't want to be noticed as a junkie do you? Anyway, once you reach the department with the sauces you may feel your heart beating faster and you may be a little sweatier then before. But just take the sauces, pay them up front and then drive home to desperately drown that kitten in flavor. The last step obviously is to get a pot, since you might have bought a pot at IKEA while on the influence on drug, I'm sure you will have this step down.

You now have everything you need to drown your kitten in flavor. Now how are you going to do it? After all, since you're reading this, you've never even drowned a kitten in flavor. Much less eaten one with flavor. Don't worry, the next section going to tell you all about it.

“sauce sauce saucy-sause”

~ Psychopath,a.k.a Itna Bij on kitten flavoring

How to Drown a Kitten in Flavor[edit]

A man in the process of flavoring up his kitten.

First off, turn the heat up to high, not so-so medium, or wimpy weak low. No, turn it up to the maximum, we need this boiled to perfection. Now fill up half the pot with water, it's mandatory as the sauce will flow through the water and give the added water a taste that hides the the taste of the chemicals. And as we all know, chemicals are really, really good.

Once the water is boiling hot, add your sauce packet into the water. The water will turn a different color than expected but that's okay, cause in the end, you'll have a kitten full of flavor that you can huff. Now bring out the kitten, put him in the pot, and cover the lid. The cat will try to claw his way out, and in this case you have to hold it down with all your might. Once your pot stops moving, you kitten has been cooked, now wait a few minutes, take the flavored cat out and place on plate. Now bring out your straw and huff it...

Congratulations, you have just huffed a kitten you drowned with flavor. Now sit back and experience the flavor of the kitten, it will be different depending on the flavor you use but it's worth it to huff a flavored kitten. Now if you excuse me, I have to get back to my "duties".

“ I saw what you did there”

~ Anti jib