HowTo:Believe in ALLAH!
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Welcome to this guide on how to worship the great ALLAH!. But first, i will tell you a bit about him. He is God . After God managed to create two religions, ALLAH! was pissed off. So he decided to make his own. This also explains the tension between Muslims and Christians. The main prophet is Muhammed.
Worshipping[edit]
Worshipping ALLAH! is very very difficult. Every morning you must drop to your knees, face Mecca (the muslim holy city), and babble incoherently about ALLAH!, how great he is, and how you will kill all infidels in his name.
If you do not know which direction Mecca is, then you are not a true worshipper and will be killed by your muslim brothers.
Also if you want to worship, you can try and find your local mosque and worship there instead. But beware, many muslims will try to get you to join their JIHAD!, or help them bash jews. This will help you become ALLAH!'s favorite little muslim, but it is illegal. If you feel really confident, you may even want to try and create your own JIHAD!, which will make ALLAH! happy, and it will make George Bush sad, but Sarah Palin Happy.
Requirements[edit]
To be a good muslim, you must follow these requirements:
- You must be a member of some form of JIHAD!
- You must grow a long beard if you are a man.
- You must cover yourself so only your eyes show if you are a woman.
- Every comment made against you is racist in your eyes.
- ALLAH! is great and it is right to worship him.
- Everyone who is not a muslim is an infidel.
- Everyone who worships Allah differently from you is a heretic and not a true Muslim.
- You must put a JIHAD! on heretics and Infidels.
- If you are a man you should try and get martyred so you get seventy(two) virgins in Paradise.
- If you are a woman you must not mind getting to be one of seventy(two) virgins who belong to a martyr in Paradise.
- You must know how to make basic explosives.
Little Known Trivia[edit]
- As mentioned before, ALLAH! is God .
- Muslims are actually members of the islamic faith.
- ALLAH! is an anagram of halal, a special type of meat where the animal has had its throat cut rather than being electrocuted. This makes it blessed.
- Muslims are in fact a separate species of humanoid, called Homo muslimus, but are almost identical to normal humans at least in some ways.
- Muslim women are prohibited from going near cucumbers and bananas, and men from melons and coconuts.[1][2][3][4]
Conclusion[edit]
I hope this little HowTo has helped in your first steps to becoming ALLAH!'s favorite little muslim. If not then go screw yourself. If you find that you are not a very good muslim, go and find out about other religions. Thank you and goodnight.
See Also[edit]
Notes[edit]
- ↑ Muslim Cleric's Warning: Cucumbers Too Sexy for Women
- ↑ Don't touch that cucumber! Islamic cleric bans women from touching 'penis-shaped' foods in case it arouses them
- ↑ [http://topnews.net.nz/content/220559-muslim-cleric-outlaws-erotic-fruits-women-weird-or-wise Muslim Cleric Outlaws "Erotic" Fruits for Women: Weird or Wise?
- ↑ Phallic Fatwa Bans Certain Foods For Muslim Women