Hagerstown, Maryland
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Hagerstown, Maryland (A.K.A. Failuretown) is a ghost town located in Maryland's scenic "Valley of Failed Industrial Towns". Other towns in this valley include Martinsburg, Greencastle, and for a split-second due to a space-time anomaly, Pittsburgh (or is it Pittsburg? Pitsburhg? Forget about it).
Travelers on I-70 can see an exit that is marked as "Hagerstown", but really all there is there is a bunch of old (and inexplicably still open) malls and farm fields. However,the more daring motorist can venture into the ancient ruins of the city of Hagerstown, and explore the crumbling ruins. Hagerstown is currently a lawless wasteland in which some are still found scavenging for their survival in the streets. However, until recently it was the seat of the expansive (if you squinch your eyes a little) Hagerlian Empire, during which time it was, as mentioned before, a blossoming industrial city.
History[edit]
Hagerstown got its name from Johnathan Hager, who was apparently an arrogant shithead. He was fleeing from the British Empire at the time, for reasons unknown. The theories of why he went into flight range from that he told the Virginians to get rid of their slaves to that he had more accusations of sexual assault than a modern celebrity. Whatever happened, he began to set up a home with his wife, Elizabeth (not related to any queens) and started planning a nation that could rival Britain (and France but the local wildlife posed a threat to their authority). The center of this grand empire was a complex castle located in the northern hills of the city, which can still be found in a very dilapidated condition. Down this hill one would find the marketplace, packed with peasants from the surrounding hills and some of the strangest architecture in the state.
However, it would seem today that the only special thing about Hagerstown is their railways, nothing else of specialty exists in the city today.
Railroads from all over the place converged in this single location in Hagerstown for no apparent reason. They brought the city of Hagerstown food, coal, and rubber sausages. Hagerstown then provided the railroads with boxes full of boxes full of boxes full of corn. Not on the cob, just corn seeds.
Other railroad towns were hosts of famous engineers like Isambard Kingdom Brunel or George Pullman, but all the engineers in the locomotive plants of Hagerstown were irrelevant. These engineers loved to build trains that were actually unable to run and forced railroad companies to buy their own engines. In the end the railroad companies got tired of the crappy trains and razed half of Hagerstown's rail infrastructure. This left the economy failing and the empire running out of resources. Meanwhile, Martinsburg (the southern version of Hagerstown) was experiencing the same problems, so the two cities began rapidly expanding their empires to make more money. In this time the Hagerlian Empire reached its maximum size, stretching from Middletown to Hancock. Alas, as the two expanded they started preparing to attack each other. They developed advanced weapons and flying machines to deploy them, hence the abnormally large airports located near the old cities. It is unknown exactly who pressed the button and when, but at one point the war began. In a few hours both Martinsburg and Hagerstown had fallen apart, with the massive stretch of flat land in downtown Hagerstown serving as a reminder of the last war. Many people who survived left, others stayed behind although their current population is unknown.
Years later, the mysterious cult known as Autism Speaks began to set up a monastery in the old ruins, and eventually established the area as a regional headquarters. These people attempted to clear out the existing population of Hagerstown to a varied degree of success. However, the major resettlements happened in the area north of the city, where those rich white people who always build suburbs that drown out the original city decided they could build their community around a city that's already dead. This new settlement is notorious for being full of cheeky white bastards who routinely throw criminals into the old city. Meanwhile, train nerds have established a base next to the downgraded but still somewhat active railyard, where they keep all their toy trains and hide the bodies of people run over by the trains.
Notable people[edit]
None, as mentioned before the only special thing in the bloody town is the trains for pete's sake.