Forum:Examples of Bias in Benson's House of Pancakes

Forums: Index > BHOP > Examples of Bias in Benson's House of Pancakes

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WARNING! This page contains profuse whining by DiZ. Proceed with caution.

Alright, yesterday on our beloved chatroom, I had a good-natured religious debate with a colleague of mine who shall remain nameless, mostly because his/her name is very confusing to me. This debate, if you will, touched upon the subject of Ouroboros and BENSON and the purpose of religion, yatt-yatta, etc etc. While I believe I won the argument with this incredibly well-thought-out and constructed statement:

“ YOUR MOTHER IS A FAT DUTCH WHORE ”

,it remains that I did indeed fail to convince said colleague of the verifiability and holiness of our Lord of the Cosmos, Ouroboros the Inexorable. And it did not end there. The person even went as far as to blaspheme my beliefs by calling Ouroboros a "ghey donut". I could not take it anymore. That is why I have come up with a series of five points that detail every example of anti-Ouroboroism in BENSON's House of Pancakes, and subsequently, the entirety of Uncyclopedia. They are, in increasing order of severity, as follows:

5. Failure and refusal to establish an all-Ouroboroist house of worship and/or pancake doughnut house. Let's face it, Ouroboros has existed since the dawn of time. BENSON, much less. Some may even argue he is a mere mortal. Why is it then that Uncyclopedia gives Bensonites a place of worship and discussion, and shuns my numerous attempts to establish such a place for those of us Ouroboroists who wish to practice the rites of our faith, namely naked cannibalism and self-flagellation? What are the admins scared of? The truth, perhaps?

4. Deletion of the Ouroboros article. As I am sure you are all aware, the current incarnation of the annals of the Ouroboroist faith here in Uncyclopedia is not as it always was. One time there was another form, a more prosperous, accurate explanation of the true purpose and essence of Ouroboros, but that was deleted, renderred heresy and "not funny", and consequently forced to make a ruinous home for itself in the shadows of one pious user's shrine. Yet, and this is the true outrage, hundreds of useless, unfunny, and just plain stupid articles go unchecked every single day. Justify that, Uncyclopedia!

3. Slander and unverified urban myths surrounding Ouroboros litter the forums. Some time ago, I began this forum topic in the hopes of making an un-biased, centrist statement concerning the relative greatness of BENSON as compared to that of Ouroboros. I was instantly met with hostility and accusations of homosexuality. And on February 19, this picture was leaked onto Uncyclopedia by none other than Benson himself, depicting the current Kârštibaak (our "Pope" if you will), a very respected and holy man, in a comprosing situation with a young church-going Ouroborist and what appears to be a donut idol in their mouths; the two fully garbed in Krispy Kreme regalia. This has led to the libelous assumption and rumor that Ouroboros is a gay donut, which, as most of you know, is untrue. If that was Benson in that picture, in would have been taken down at once and its submitter punished accordingly. That was not the case, and for that, I am furious. Slander and evil lies are ruining a faith which I care deeply about, and I cannot let this go on.

2. Bensonites use their majority to undermine Ouroboroism. Despite a worldwide following of 600,000 people, Ouroboroists are still a minority when it comes to Uncyclopedia, I admit this. What really angers me is the liberal extortion and abuse of power on the part of this modern-day cyber-illuminati dubbed the Bensonism Church, who have used their prevalence to oppress and at time censor attempts at equal rights for Ouroboroists. They are terrorists, in the most literal sense of the word. No Ouroboroist in their right mind would speak out against the horrors of Bensonism. If you think this is not a serious issue, I dare you to ask yourself: how many Ouroboroist do you know? Exactly...

1. Open intolerance and hatred is permissable. One certain user who spoke to me put it best when he said: "Oh, so [they] can make fun of Ouroboros all they want and no one gives a crap, but the moment I say 'BENSON' sucks', it's fucking jihad on the gay donut lover, eh? That is not right." And I agree, it is not right. Why can people say horrible, untruthful things about Ouroboros and Ouroboroists, and people just turn the other cheek? I truly, honestly believe I am being discrimanted against because of my religion. This is equivocal to the persecution of Christians during the Roman Empire, and even some may say, the Holocaust. And you are all Nazis, every one of you who allows such things to happen without consequence. NAZIS! >_<

I hope this has shed some light as to why I am angry over the current state of Uncyclopedia concerning religious equality. Because, I... I have a dream, that one day, all Ouroboroists will browse a website where they will not be judged by the church they follow, but by the content of their character, and that one day, the sons of former Ouroboroists and former Bensonites will be able to sit down together at a chatroom of brotherhood, and spam goatse and pr0n without being judged! Yes, I have a dream! >_< And I ask all you dreamers out there, to join to me, whether you be Ouroboroists, Bensonites, Christians, Muslims, Satanists, atheists, or agnostics, and help make this dream a reality! DO YOU BELIEVE?! I SAY-AH TO Y'ALL, DO YOU BELIEEEEEEEEVE-AH?!!!! AMEN! --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 20:29, 16 March 2007 (UTC)

Comments

Nice formatting, consistent grammar...but it's written in crazy. Oh, I'm in BHOP... Carry on.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 20:40, 16 March 2007 (UTC)

Jeez, I can't believe I bothered to read all that...
Oh, well. Might as well respond. I think that the basic idea of Uncyclopedia is somewhat restrained anarchy. Therefore, if you want equal rights, you must do it yourself, because nobody will help you. Good luck with that. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 22:14, 16 March 2007 (UTC)

You mean, kill BENSON? Trust you me, I have tried... --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 22:17, 16 March 2007 (UTC)

I don't think the idea is to kill BENSON. In fact, it has nothing to do with BENSON. Instead of being Anti-BENSONism, be Pro-Ouroboros. Besides, I imagine Ouroboros as giving birth as well as death, emerging spontaneously from the Nothing. But I won't fight over religion or politics. This is why, as a Syncretist, I stay out of the whole thing. I refuse to be pigeon-holed. But if you keep up more Pro-what-you-are rather than Anti-what-you're-not, then they might get tired of correcting you and give you space for your own thing. You could organize, maybe? I don't know, but it's worth a try, that is, if you give a shit. But who wants to listen to an old crazy man?--Schizo Master 22:25, 16 March 2007 (UTC)

Okay... Anyway, no, I did not mean kill BENSON (even though it would be funny to watch you try). I meant keep fighting for equal rights. Or just create your own forum. I honestly don't care. But I wish you the best of luck, nevertheless.

P.S.: I recommend that you stop making the BENSONites angry. You won't like them when they're angry... --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 22:31, 16 March 2007 (UTC)

I've seen what the Bensonites are capable of. Not impressed. After all, do they have a self-cannibalising reptilian overlord?? I should think not... --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 00:28, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

Benson doesn't need a self-eating whatyoumacallit. Bensonism is supreme the way it is. --General Insineratehymn 14:55, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

You know what? Benson might be cool but you can't just go around saying "BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU" in a way that is serious. You'll end up like Nintendorulez if you keep it up like that. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 17:01, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

Benson is not cool. Ouroboros has fire-breath. PWN'D! --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 17:28, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

*Yawn* So Ourobuttos has fire-breath. Do any of us Bensonites care? No. --General Insineratehymn

You should. Do you really want to worship some (and I use this word very loosely) "god" who doesn't even breathe any kind of primeval element? At least God breathes chocolate-covered twinkies. Benson only breathes bullshit. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 17:35, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

Examples of bias in this topic

So, are MANOSTOLOGISTS not good enough to help make the dream a reality? Mr. Briggs Inc. 23:34, 16 March 2007 (UTC) Eh?

Linking to fake Benson. --Sir OCdt Jedravent CUN UmP VFH PLS ACS WH 01:49, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

Examples of bias in the word "bias"

1. Every single letter in the word "bias" in also in the word "bias".
2. Every time people talk about bias, they use the word "bias", purposefully excluding words and phrases unrelated to bias in any way.

This is a situation I would like remedied as soon as possible. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 00:57, 17 Mar 2007

>:-(

Spang, do you think I'm joking? Do you think discrimination and martyrdom is funny? These are serious issues, happening right now. By doing nothing, you're saying that it's perfectly acceptable. When you die, do you want to go before Ouroboros and tell Him you condoned a society that persecuted His followers? I don't think so, Spang. I don't think any of us want that. Do the right thing, if not for me, or for Ouroboros, then at least for yourself and for Uncyclopedia. You know what's right; it's time to get serious. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 01:09, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

You're talking crazy! It's not time to get serious! Now is the time on Uncylopedia when we dance! <cue Salsa> --Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 01:22, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

NO NO NO NON ON ONO NO NO NO NO!!! >_< STOP THE DANCING, STOP THE MUSIC!

(record skips and stops)

What the hell is wrong with you people?! This is serious! People are dying getting really PO'd, and you're dancing wildly to festive Latin music?! Grrrrrr..... You have no souls, none of you! :'-( (runs off crying) "And take that fruit hat off your head, Moduso... --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 01:28, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

/me looks embarrassed. Sorry, it's the spicy blood of my people. We are filled with passion, eh. Look, you have a right to your invisible friend and Bensonites have a right to their slightly-visible friend, but when it comes right down to it you're both insane. So you've got something in common. --Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 01:33, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

How can more than 1 person be getting PO'd if your the only ouroborosist there is?--» >ZEROTROUSERS!!! EAT ME!!!! CRAZY PERSON! SMELLY!!! ILLOGIC, BEHOLD!!!!~» 09:50, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

I may be the only one here, but I have told all my Ouroboroist friends about this injustice, and believe you me, they. are. pissed. They've even made an effigy of BENSON and burned it in front of the capitol building. The dummy was based on a combination of my sketches, and eye-witness accounts. Apparently, they blame BENSON for all this. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 21:14, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT!! >_< I have NOTHING in common with those losers! NOTHING!! And Ouroboros is REAL, He even has an article. Explain that, eh? --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 01:35, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

Ouroboroism is not a religion

DiZ = son of this guy?

Wikipedia doesn't say it is. Codeine's Mum hasn't heard of it. Therefore it is not a religion. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 01:44, 17 March 2007 (UTC) PS: Bensonism isn't a religion, it's a cult.

Well, you got that right, Bensonism is a cult. But Ouroboroism is a legitimate religion. 600,000 followers worldwide! Some of the world's most famous and influential people were Ouroboroists: Abraham Lincoln, Adolf Hitler, the Quaker Oatmeal guy...et cetera. Point is, of course Ouroboroism is a religion. Just because Wikipedia doesn't have it, doesn't make it any less real. We are children of Ouroboros. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 01:53, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

I want proof that Ouroboros was your mother. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 01:57, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

Again, why not just go about your Ouroboros-loving life and forget the BENSONites? I can see the problem, though. BENSON is an (ostensibly) funny parody of religion, whereas it seems the Ouroborosism is a real and serious religion. If you stopped attacking BENSON and trying to convert everyone to Ouroborosism, you might find a warmer reception. What difference does (or should) it make to you if I believe in Ouroboros? The important thing is that you believe in Ouroboros. It might not be funny, but I know that if you are willing to accept my belief and not try to convert me to yours, them I'm a lot more likely to "live and let live". If you actually give a shit.--Old Crazy Guy 09:33, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

Ok, ok, I'll level with you. You don't have to convert to Ouroboroism, as long as you acknowledge Ouroboros is the Supreme Irrefutable Lord of the Universe, worship Him daily, and participate in as many Ouroboroist rituals as possible. There, see, you don't have to convert! --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 17:27, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

So what you are saying is that you are no better than those people who go door-to-door trying to force their religion upon others, is that right? --General Insineratehymn 23:46, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

No, because I'm not trying to convert or force my religion on anyone. I just want to reach a compromise, as noted above. Besides, Jehovas Witnesses don't bother me, I just set them up da bomb. More like a beartrap in my backyard, but you get the idea. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 17:38, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

What you say and your tone of comments tell a much different story. --General Insineratehymn 18:08, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

Oh yeah, and what would that be? --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 20:36, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

Who the fuck cares?!

Nobody, that's who. I'm tired of you blabbering on about Orobourowhatshisname. You're like those stupid religious dudes who come knocking at my door to try and convert me. Or those religious tards who waste trees by handing out pamphlets that get thrown out straight away. Or annoying Mac users/Linux users that never shut the fuck up and try to get everybody to switch. Instead of blabbering on, just suck on your own god-damned tail and leave us alone. --Uncyclon - Do we still link to BENSON? 10:21, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

No one cares about not caring. Why? Because people care. Mr. Briggs Inc. 14:13, 17 March 2007 (UTC) Eh?

Yeah, it's easy not to care when your way is popular. If there were just some way to make everything funny. Speak in good humour about Ouroboros. And as far as the BENSONites go, DON'T GIVE A SHIT. It's worth a try.--Schizo Master 14:51, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

Meh. /Lord Fluffy shrugs. I'm bored with this. I'm adding the 'whiny' template. --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 14:59, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

If you had actually read my first post, you'd have realized that I'm not saying you have to convert to Ouroboroism, I just want to stop the injustice. I'm demanding equal rights for all faiths or lack-thereof; I'm tired of being discriminated against simply because I worship a giant, what-some-may-call "gay" doughnut-like creature! Bensonites get all the privileges, and it's not fair for the rest of us. Mainly Ouroboroists. Namely, me. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 17:24, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

While I realize you will never convert, I still respect your heathenistic Satan-loving beliefs, so no hard feelings, right?

By the way, don't leave your house for the next two to five hours. --Emmzee the Furious^{Spam me!} _{Don't click here!}

I am not a Satanist. And err..why should i not leave my house? --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 20:06, 17 March 2007 (UTC)

I'm referencing pretty much all you've done in BHOP since you stumbled in here. There is no injustices here at all. BENSON is an Uncyclopedia injoke and/or meme. This forum only has it's name from the glorious times of BENSONs original posting on Uncyclopedia. It's really just a forum for all the junk in the Villiage Dump if you hadn't realised that. Oroborouwhatshisname and his many followers don't deserve their own forum or any special treatment as they have nothing to do with Uncyclopedia. --Uncyclon - Do we still link to BENSON? 03:01, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

Ouroboros built Uncyclopedia. >:-( Without Him, it would be nothing. Nothing! --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 17:42, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

No he didn't. Chronarion did. --General Insineratehymn 20:20, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

I agree wholeheartedly with DiZ. Ouroboros is better than BENSON and cooler too. It is only a matter of time before the BENSON's 3D House of Pancakes is renamed Ouroboros's 3D House of Doughnuts. Alksub - VFH CM WA RV {talk} 06:13, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

Oh dear. Alksub, you're fired. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 08:26, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

Finally, someone who gets it! Alksub, I'm appointing you Vice Kârštibaak. Basically, you get to hold the Pope's water and fetch him clean towels. It's actually an honor. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 17:42, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

You do realize that Alksub was being sarcastic, don't you? --General Insineratehymn 18:07, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

No, he wasn't No, I don't. Oh, and don't delete my template, bitch. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 18:09, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

Is there some funny way to make the Off Topic forum non-sectarian?--old Crazy man 14:00, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

WARNING! This page contains Ouroboros. He is a gay donut.

I didn't know that Ouroboros could let go of his tail... --Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 18:14, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

Oh, yeah, of course. But only for a fraction of a second, and only to smite heathens and the like. Any longer, and the Universe would cease to exist. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 23:06, 19 March 2007 (UTC)

What did the poor schmuck on the template do?? Mr. Briggs Inc. 20:44, 21 March 2007 (UTC) Eh?

Strange, I always thought that Ouroboros like sucking on his "tail". --General Insineratehymn 23:31, 19 March 2007 (UTC)

Insineratehymn,

You

can

suck

my

BALLS

Ouroboros' too. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 20:43, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

So I see that you have now lost your sanity and have now resorted to open flaming. I knew you'd snap. Ha! --General Insineratehymn 20:47, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

/me bangs head against wall. "WAA-HAA-HAAH-HA-HAHAHAHAW!!!!!!!!" Snapped like YO MOMMA! --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 21:07, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

Oh dear. It appears that you have gone so insane that you have been reduced to insulting me using your mom jokes. Pitiful. --General Insineratehymn 21:56, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

Oh dear. It appears that you have gone so stupid that you worship Benson. Pitiful. PS: Stop this stupid flamewar. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 23:35, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

Tell DiZ to stop first. He's the one who started it. --General Insineratehymn 00:52, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

Well just because when someone comes along with something they can actually consider a religious idol and insults Benson doesn't mean you have to go on an idiotic flaming spree. Pretty soon we're going to start needing to deny recognition of Ouroboros just like we did a certain other item (hint: it's name is also the model of a Canon digital camera). --» >UF|TLK|▋» 02:38, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

But he flamed first. --General Insineratehymn 02:49, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

I think I feel a Bastion coming on...

hI guise. aS a shelving unit aYe have dRawers for eVerything, but wHen my cAbinets bicker iNside themselves, I tHrow them a life bUoy that has yet to be cReated. eWesey the bag of eVidence proving BENSON a sNake mAn. bEsize, when eWe cOunter-fLame dIZ, yOre mailing cOal for sTroking the fIres of lAffer, gO. Alksub - VFH CM WA RV {talk} 02:55, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

• ISYRVHANHURWVBENSONNAEWOLIZOOTIAO?? Mr. Briggs Inc. 10:58, 22 March 2007 (UTC) Eh?
• WTF? Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 11:35, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

BLASPHEMY ALERT

I think he means BENSON is Ouroboros...--Emmzee the Furious^{Spam me!} _{Don't click here!}

End Blasphemy Alert

I was referring, Emmzee, to the comment by Mister Briggs, Incorporated. As in 'WTF does "ISYRVHANHURWVBENSONNAEWOLIZOOTIAO??"' mean?'. Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 16:29, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

I think it's some kind of cryptic message. Mr. Briggs Inc. 17:04, 22 March 2007 (UTC) Eh?

NO SHIT SHERLOCK!! --The Marquis D'Llyando

Hey

I didn't start anything. These are legitimate complaints which should be immediately reviewed, and proper action taken in accordance with them. Oh, and btw, posting "OUROBOROS IS A GAY DONUT!!!!" on the Ouroboros talk page is not very mature. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 21:02, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

Nobody cares. --General Insineratehymn 21:07, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

Then why do I care so much? Mr. Briggs Inc. 21:11, 22 March 2007 (UTC) Eh?

Insineratehymn,

You

can

suck

my

BALLS

Again. --Señor DiZtheGreat  CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 20:43, 21 March 2007 (UTC)

Nobody cares. --General Insineratehymn 21:15, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

I think you are the only one who still doesn't care. Mr. Briggs Inc. 21:17, 22 March 2007 (UTC) Eh?

I don't care either. I said so up above. The really funny (and rather pathetic) thing about all this is that none of the users PMSing are female. Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 23:28, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

Time to take a stance here and say that this is getting too stupid. Benson isn't some sort of religious figure so you don't have to PMS every single fucking time someone insults him. Diz isn't much better in this case, but I do believe he spoke the truth back in the Ouroboros v. Benson thread. Or maybe you are all just sockpuppets of Benson? --» >UF|TLK|▋» 23:16, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

How dare you! --Emmzee 00:10, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

Now now, don't go declaring jihad. Just say nobody cares. --General Insineratehymn 00:28, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

I'm sorry, but jihad is kinda my style so...PREPARE TO DIE, INFIDEL! --Molotovnight 00:31, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

OK. I'll be drawing cartoons of Mohammed until you get here. --General Insineratehymn 00:50, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

Ooooo, I'm so scared! Please don't use your stupid religious wars on me! --» >UF|TLK|▋» 02:17, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

I give a shit, but nobody cares that I give a shit. So who gives a shit when no one gives a shit who gives a shit?old Crazy man 01:15, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

Nobody cares. --General Insineratehymn 02:24, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

I met cartoon Mohammed once, I liked him. We had burritos together. Happy Weasel 03:52, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

I like having a Happy Weasel to entertain me. I think another flamewar jihad might be fun. Like blood in the water. Yum yum! Just make it funny and not stoopid. Oops! Too late.dog licking his balls 20:01, 23 March 2007 (UTC)