Forfar

The most interesting sight in Forfar is a bus from another town. Here we have the rare Aberdeen Blue.

Forfar (or Farfar in local Doric) is a small market town in Angus, Scotland. Its tourism attraction is one decent supermarket; otherwise, it is generally avoided. The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh failed to avoid the town, once in 2004, even though Glamis Castle is only a few miles away.

About the town

Forfar was founded in 1806 by The Proclaimers (Fifers) during a brain-lock in devising lyrics for Letter from America. Two words, for and far, fit the meter though they did not mean anything. Since then, lack of meaning has also personified the town.

Forfar is similar in purpose to any other service stop on the A90, such as Brechin. In fact, the locals have come to resemble one another.

Forfar also has a college. No one is ever seen there, least of all with a book, but it does inspire people to get off the farm, though students there do not avoid the strong smell of cow manure.

The centre of the town and hub of activity in Forfar is 'The Cross,' so named because it is where an earlier generation crucified local criminals. The tradition continues to this very day. Crucifixions of the criminals arrested over the weekend occur every Monday morning at sunrise. Punishment spans from the crack-head to the twentysomething males driving modified cars to try to pick up underage girls.

Items of Interest

A Scottish Bridie, falsely claimed as a Forfar invention.

Forfar is home the world famous Forfar Lorne Sausage - a sausage that has been flattened to stop your sausage rolling out of your bap and getting sauce all of the place. Two local bakers known as McLarens and Saddlers also produce the scottish variety of a Cornish Pastie, known as the Scottish Pastie. These commonly come in either steak or mince & onion varieties, along with a chicken curry version

Forfar is also home to the infamous Forfar Academy. Forfar Academy aspires to its unique talent in developing all of its students into fully grown drug addicts, smokers and slags. Only 1% of its students actually get a decent qualification. The IT faculty is impressive in that only one of ten professors have a clue what a keyboard is. The building is a big blue box, visible from everywhere in Forfar, which adds to the overall low appeal of the town. Some liken its appearance to a horrifically ugly TARDIS.

The ownership of the Scottish Pastie (or Bridie in Gaelic) does in fact belong to Stephen's the Baker in Dunfermline, Fife which are far superior as any visitor to East End Park would tell you. The reasoning for this false claim is mainly because Forfarians have a chip on their shoulder about the other local towns inventing great things - Arbroath invented the Arbroath Smokie, Watson-Watt from Brechin invented the gaydar, Montrose invented the Minker and Kirriemuir has supplied idiot's to villages all over the country.

Forfar is also home to a senior football club known as Forfar Athletic. They currently play in the Scottish Second Division after relegating local rivals Arsebroath to the bottom basement.

Strathmore water is also bottled within the town, this being Scotland's version of Coca Cola's Dasani, seeing as it's really water bottled from the local farmers' taps. This is often why nearby Dundee suffers from small-scale droughts and hosepipe bans, as all of their water from the local reservoir is sent to hotels.