Flower of Scotland

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A Alcoholic flower.
The Flower of Scotland in it's natural habitat

The Flower of Scotland is alcoholic and angry species of rose. This species was first documented in 150 A.D. by Roman astronomer Eiaddios Flowerus (personal star man to Roman Emperor Antoninus Pius) a known drunk who was there on his holidays. The flower grows in the particularly wet and alcohol rich regions of Scotland, such as Glasgow and Falkirk. This plant is not to be confused with the song 'Flower of Dundee' written by Alex Salmond. This plant is particularly important to the wildlife of Scotland as many of the alcoholic animals that live in the area eat the Flower. In Roman times the Flower of Scotland was a very strategic item in stopping the Romans from crossing into Scotland.


From the plants discovery in 150 A.D, the Flower has provided a very good defense of Scotland through the use of AoE intoxication, basically everyone within a 4 metre radius gets extremely drunk. The ancient barbarians of the country lined up these flowers in a line across the whole of Scotland, as the barbarians were immune to the plants intoxicating effects (obviously they were Scottish) This prevented the Roman invasion of Scotland and forced them to build Hadrian's Wall to prevent all of England getting drunk aswell. The Flower played a part in sparking the Scottish Wars of Independence, when Alexander III of Scotland was riding home his Horse ate a small amount of the Flower, this caused his horse to throw the King off the cliff and this started the power struggle between England and Scotland that has lasted till this day.

Health issues[edit]

When a normal human ingests a Flower of Scotland his liver will instantly fail and he will soon die if not given a transplant, or a bacon roll quickly. However if a normal man from Scotland were to ingest the plant, he would just get slightly tipsy as Scottish people have a very high toleration for Alcohol (The plant contains over 2 litres of pure ethanol) The plant can also be used in very small amounts to temporarily cure diseases such as depression, be used as an alternative to sleeping pills and Is a very good way to get rid of memories you did not wish to keep.

See Also[edit]