Evolutionary psychologists

Not an actual evolutionary psychologist, just his grandfather. (Or is it grandmother now?)

Evolutionary psychologists are a species of apes that usually (but not always, as Etruscan Shrews show) look exactly like humans.

Evolution

Evolutionary psychologists (Psychus maximus) evolved from racists, with whom they still share many similarities and are very closely related to (though there are some minor differences between the two).

Their racist ancestors (Racistus antiquus), a species originating in England and distinguished by their stubborn belief that different groups of humans were incapable of living in the same cultures due to different instincts, simply ignored the existence of humans from one part of the world living without problem in a culture from a different part of the world. However, after World War II, the antibiological virus was spreading pandemically (well, almost pandemically, it certainly never reached South Africa. The virus quickly became a good germ in the intestines of many sociologists, but was lethal to racists. But while the racists were dying out in most of the world, some of the racists in the Soviet Union got a mutation that made them resistent to the virus, thus evolving into evolutionary psychologists.

This mutation took the form of self-contradictingly claiming that behavior genes followed different laws than other genes when that was necessary to confuse the virus not to recognize the tissues as racist, while still claiming that behavior genes followed exactly the same laws as other genes as often as otherwise possible. This doublethink allowed the evolutionary psychologists to conquer the whole world in the 1980s. That was when the evolutionary psychologists made up the lie that humans had an instinct to divide themselves into "ingroup" and "outgroup".

This was and is in fact racist against the entire human race, but was repeated so often its racism was forgotten. Instead, this racism against the whole human race led to the false assumption that some words were "offensive" and "racist". That caused an epidemic speech impairment, not being able to pronounce the letter n at the beginning of words. So those who consider that word to be "racist" are in fact the real racists, racist against the whole human race (regardless of color). The evolutionary psychologists also started making people believe that all humans were stupid, and so people became stupid by believing that they were stupid.

That is why we still have wars and pollution instead of just living in peace and taking care for our environment as we should do.

Relatives

The closest living relative of the evolutionary psychologist is the evolutionary psychopath (Psychus minimus). But while evolutionary psychologists are extremely dangerous, evolutionary psychopaths only engage in the far less dangerous practise of killing and eating individual humans. Evolutionary psychopaths look exactly like evolutionary psychologists. However, evolutionary psychologists look at pictures of God before having sex slightly more often than evolutionary psychopaths do. Also, evolutionary psychopaths eat palsternack but evolutionary psychologists do not.