Evil Thingy

The Beggining of the Evil Thingy

An evil thingy is a savage beast that lives deep in the heart of Russia, and in the office of Democrats as well.

Yep, we should be totally safe in here.

The evil thingy pretty much looks like a random assortment of different beings, and is a distant cousin of The Great Cthulhu. Wait, do you smell that?

Yeah, you do. You know what that is? It smells like an evil thingy. My God!!! Hurry follow me! We must run away. Let's hide over here in this cave with teeth. Very good. Now, where was I? Oh yes, I was talking about

The Smell

It smells kind of like chocolate bars and pine trees. A very odd combination, don't you think? What? Of course this cave isn't moving! Wait a minute. Do caves usually have teeth? I didn't think so... Hmm... shit.

So, do you like wanna, run away and yell and stuff? Good idea. Ahh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My oh my. What a pretty sign. Let's sit over there now.

Alright. We're okay now. Let's sit down over there next to the pretty sign. Ahh, that's better. I'm tired from running from that evil thing. It is said that the evil thingy smells like chocolate bars and pine trees mostly because it lives in the woods. Wait, it lives everywhere. So why- never mind. Now, we've talked about the smell, let's talk about some

Evil Thingy Theories

Some think that the evil thingy can change shapes. Yeah, it's freaky, I know. One minute it's a clown, the next it's a Michael Jackson look-a-like. Spooky. It can also... what? Hey... why are you glowing that pretty green aura? Weird. Hey, ME TOO! Awesome! Wait... did you hear that? Let me take a look in those bushes that would be great for an ambush. I'll be right back.

AWW, SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! Zombies everywhere!!! Run for your fucking lives!!!!!!

Yeah, now like I was saying. The Evil Thingy also can look like any human. Yeah, that's how it infiltrated the government. In fact, many speculate that the entire Democratic party is comprised of Evil Thingies. That's how they'll take over the world.

Hey, what's that old guy doing? Watch out, he's eating your flesh. Yeah, just let me find some band-aids. Meanwhile you can take this revolver and shoot him in the head. good job. Now just lay over here and we'll fix those bite-marks. I don't care if the ground feels weird. Probably rocks.

I'm only tying you with rope to keep you from getting us near any more weird stuff. It was NOT my fault! A train? I don't hear anything...

Alright, alright, I'll admit it, I WAS AN EVIL THINGY ALL ALONG! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

You know too much. So I must dispose of you. Well, it's been great. See you around.

Evil Thingy Activities

Now that you're dead, I can explain what we do. Evil thingies do stuff that you don't want them to do. They will delete all of your computer files & bash your loved ones into a tree. We also happen to enjoy approving tax bills and pretending to care about the stupid populace of non-Evil Thingys. Not that we don't to some extent. We just happen to care only about using them to further our cause. Haha, you can't do anything about it. So sad.