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Coupons are those worthless pieces of magazine paper that dumb californian girls try to take advantage of company offers to people in order to encourage them to go to KFC or McDonalds or Mr. Defecat's House of Shitburgers, and maybe save a cheap buck if they are lucky. There are many sorts of coupons, all of which are equally likely to piss you off. Once in awhile, you might be lucky enough to receive a giant booklet of coupons which advertise that they can save you a total of 300$! That is, assuming you plan on going to Taco Bell and Jack In the Fuckin' Box for the rest of your life and are physically capable of digesting both a Chocolate Cake and Deep Fried Zucinni at the same time. The only reason businesses make coupons is to fuck with you. When in reality, you end up buying more then you want and spend MORE MONEY!


Is it cue-pon or coo-pon? Does it really matter? You're fucked either way.


So, that stupid restaurant hands you a large package in coupons that can save you a total of 30$. 30$ is nice. Anyway, you go for weeks on end after you get the coupons thinking "I'll go there for dinner. I'll go there for dinner. I'll go there for dinner." The stress claws at your very sanity. You finally muster up the energy and will to go to the restaurant, and you order something big. No biggie, you'll save roughly 12$ on your food, and that money will go straight to your child's college funds... or your drug money, whichever comes first. Not a problem, right?

...But wait, you left the coupon book in the house! By the time you realize it, your food is ready, you're too hungry and too discouraged to go back home and get the coupons. You want to shoot yourself in the face...but you left your gun at home too. Plastic knives don't cut skin, so your pretty much fucked.

As if forgetting the coupon isn't bad enough[edit]

You buy a subscription to a newspaper, because, ya know, the economy is downhill and newspapers are dropping faster than American high school students. So, you go through the newspaper sections that nobody cares about, like front page news, missing animals, obituary, nuclear bombs going off...Screw those things, I need a goddamn Big N' Fucking Tasty. So, you get to the back of the newspaper, and sure enough, there is a coupon for your favorite fast food restaurant! "Buy 1 Heart Clogger at Burger King and get the second one for only $.50!" Sweet!

You wait at work for about 4 hours, doing whatever the hell you do for work, and finally, lunch hour comes! You drive on down to your local Burger King, Carl's Jr., Jack in the Box, or McDonalds, show them your little coupon, and guess what? Apparently this particular joint doesn't accept coupons! You try to reason with the register lady, but she can't hardly speak English! Fucking coupons! WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME LIKE THIS!