Christ on a bike

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Jesus Christ on a bike

Christ on a bike is a painting of Jesus Christ riding a bicycle. Long believed lost to the world, the painting was discovered in a room at the Vatican Library containing the hoard of forbidden artwork, alongside the collected works of Galileo Galilei, Charles Darwin, and Dan Brown.


The depiction of Our Saviour riding a contraption from a different era was deemed heretical when it first went on show in 1901 in Provence, France. Biblical experts demanded the artist prove that Jesus rode a bike in the Holy Land or that He had come back to Earth to take part in the Tour de France.


Christ on a bike shows the style but perhaps not the brush work of celebrated French artist Henri Matisse. He denied it was his work, as he had been busy painting a mural of God fast asleep in a cloud as part of a religious sequence of paintings about the six days of creation and the Day of Rest.

The painting's authorship was claimed by Banksy, but this is now disputed. The claim suggests the painting's value ranges from the price of a blank canvas to the going rate of models for lewd paintings. Other people have complained that showing Jesus riding 'hands-off' endangers children, who may emulate the Son of God, decline the Laying On of Hands, and kill themselves.

The disputed artwork is currently in Paris, awaiting a verdict by experts who can date a painting by smell alone. They are convinced this painting isn't by Matisse but by either an idiot or a parodist. The latter is more likely, though there is no shortage of the former in the art community. The actual fate of Christ on a bike is to be paired with Jesus enters Jerusalem on the back of a Velociraptor and locked away until the crack of doom.

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