Bristol Rovers F.C.

Who are you calling a pirate?

Bristol Rovers were formed in 1883, although to this day, no-one has ever cared. Originally, they were known as the Black Arabs. The club is widely considered amongst the greatest football teams in North Bristol. This is however, a common misconception, as they are clearly vastly inferior to the likes of Bristol Manor Farm, Mangotsfield United, and YourMum'sAthletic. The team is often referred to as 'The Pirates' or 'The Gas', due to the Body Odour of their fans, and the fact that the majority of them have a number of teeth countable on just one hand. Rovers are currently in the World's worst Football League and have struggled perennially, it is however inevitable that the once great power of European football will rise again. Or at least that's what you'll be told between May and August each year, come October, optimism dashed, they turn to inbreeding in order to spawn the next generation of subhuman sag. The Gas are always hopeful of being drawn in a tournament against Tottenham Hotspur, just for the quandary.

Minimal Ground

Happy times at Eastville. It was A veritable palace of dreams

In the last 20 years, Rovers have played their home games at three different stadiums. After becoming established at Eastville, management decided to replace the entire team with flat packed furniture from IKEA, and for a short time results improved. When the FA discovered that most IKEA products are actually just a load of well presented shite the team was forced to move to the 80 thousand all seater capacity stadium of Twerton Park in Bath. As soon as the team arrived in Bath ace hot dog and burger seller greasy Joe (not famous for his baths) was put at the helm and the teams fortunes began to take a turn for the better. When ex McDonalds employee Trevor Francis was recruited to serve the burgers the team began to experience unprecedented success. Rovers experienced their best run of form for years, and even managed to go two whole seasons without being relegated.

Despite the small size of their stadium, one of the stands still managed to fall down, it is unknown what caused this to happen but the two front runners are either a termite infestation or mass pirate rioting causing a large gas explosion.

Unfortunately, the blue patch was short lived when it became clear that the teams quintessential play maker Devon Malcolm had in fact eaten all the pies. With nothing left in the kitchen, and the fact that everyone knew there was no way the team could hang onto Gary Penrice let alone Nigel Martin, the team was forced to move again. The new ground was named 'The Memorial Ground' in deference Malcolm's pie eating skills and has proved popular with fans despite initial criticism of the builders when it was realised that all the seats had been installed facing towards the pitch.

Rovers Rivalry with City

Bristol is home to two professional (and I use the word professional very loosely) football teams. This has caused numerous problems in the past. Some of the worse incidents have included swearing; a Bristol City fan once used the 'F' word against a Rovers player, the City fan died. And went to heaven. Because he failed to Acknowledge one of the ten commandments: Though shall never support a piss poor football team eg.Bristol Rovers.

Records

Bristol Rovers have set many records whilst playing in the lower leagues of English football including:

• Two home games in a row being abandoned due to a double booking of the field with a car boot sale.
• The first British team to play a midweek flood-lit game, by candle light.
• First team to not haveing humans supporting them.
• First team to play their games in the middle of M32

All time Top Goalscorers

Lee Peacock - 2
Greg the Lamb - 2
Robert Mugabe - 1
Godwin the Goat - 1
Godwin the Goat II* - 1

(*) Denotes that they are still playing for the club