Booty Contest

Booty contestant

A booty contest is a competition in which women vie for a title that indicates that they have the most beautiful buttocks in the city, state, country, or world. Although clothing is allowed, because some judges believe that its presence contrasts with the exposed flesh, heightening the effect of those parts of the buttocks that are bared, contestants typically wear little or no attire, because judges refuse to define how hot this bitch is. clothing is “too much.” Consequently, contestants prefer to wear as little as possible, typically appearing topless and opting for thong bikini bottoms.

Eliminations

Originally, booty contests focused entirely upon the contestants’ derrieres, but, due to criticism from hairy-legged feminists who are about as feminine as Dennis Rodman, sponsors of these events have now added “eliminations” to narrow the number of contenders to a few finalists. These eliminations normally include a talent contest that requires competitors to display some sort of artistic or creative ability involving the use of their buttocks. Last year’s winner, Dimples, whistled Dixie per anum, and the previous year’s first runner-up, Jennifer (“Sweet Cheeks”) Cleavage, painted a mural, Booty Beauty, using her backside as her “brushes.” th Another “elimination” requires contestants to spank one another, the competitor who is able to endure the greatest number of increasingly sharp blows of various instruments (hand, paddle, belt, and cane) gaining the greatest number of points for this event. The judges also consider the “decorative effect” of the welts and bruises that typically result from this activity. However, tears do not count, as the judges believe that it is too difficult to determine whether they are real or affected and, even if they are real, it is virtually impossible to ascertain how much actual discomfort they may reflect. The inclusion of such “eliminations” in contemporary booty contests has eliminated much of the feminists’ criticism, although some continue to insist that booty contests should include more than just the physical and artistic displays of the buttocks. “After all, there is the inner girl,” one such critic pointed out. “You mean we should include the anus and the rectum as well as the buttocks?” a promoter of the contests asked. “That’s a fantastic idea!”

Booty Beauty

File:Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill Bikini Contest - Jackie

Standards of beauty that judges typically apply in evaluating the appearance of a woman’s booty are:

• Fullness - the buttocks should have a full look without appearing “plump” or fat.
• Rotundity - the buttocks should have a rounded look so that, considered together, they resemble the full moon (without the craters or pockmarks)
• Definition - the buttocks should be well defined, or distinct
• Tone - the buttocks should be firm and well conditioned without being overly muscular
• Color - creamy, bonze, or chocolate are preferable and women whose complexions differ from one of these “primary colors” should consider having their buttocks painted or dyed
• Cleavage - the cleavage of the buttocks should be definite, clear cut, and unambiguous
• Smoothness - the buttocks must be slicker than shit
• Erection - the overall appearance of the buttocks should cause penile or clitoral erection within 3.5 seconds.

Selection

First prize

The booty that is selected as the contest’s winner must withstand the test of a great deal of scrutiny. First, citywide contests eliminate all but a handful of hopefuls who are then judged at state contests. The winners of the state contests, 50 in all (one from each state), then compete on the national level. A booty contest may also be conducted at the international level, with serious competition from such booty-conscious countries as Brazil, Italy, and Singapore.

Gifts and Prizes

The winner of a booty contest typically receives flowers, money, and a steady stream of ass kissers. The winner of the international contest, Bootiful Booty, receives this dazzling butt plug, in lieu of a trashy tiara, and seventeen instructions in the use of the instrument to stimulate fantasies and ignite passion. The first runner-up receives the thong of her choice, and the second runner-up gets to choose whether she will be spanked by the host’s hand, a paddle, a belt, or a cane.