Bing (search engine)
“Bing is most notable for its algorithm that filters out anything that says bad things about Office 2007”
Bing.com is a "search engine" run by Microsoft. Bing has been surrounded in controversy, it being alleged that Microsoft stole the whole damn thing from Google - The Greek God of Empires and Tycoonships. Bing has also been rumored internally, within Micro$oft, to stand for Bastardly Inhuman Nonfunctional & Gay. Bing is the latest in a long succession of massively expensive power plays by Microslop to gain a monopoly of The Internet. Recall the Netscape War, the MicroHoo debacle, the momentary glitch and dimming of your monitor when you type 'Firefox' into MSN.com's search bar. Be warned. If you go to Bing.com even once in your life you will burn in Hell for eternity with demons consuming your roasting flesh and an infinite number of pop-up windows asking if you would like to turn on Windows Update.
Launch issues[edit]
Bing was released at the same time as Wolfram:Alpha, and they both competed in the GeorgeBush Award, for not delivering on things they promised. In the end, neither won, rather France won, for it's spectacular performance, embarrassing Kazakstahn, by suggesting the French liked Borat. At the time of it's launch, Bing's developers expected Bing to attain a Michelin Star for it's serving capacity, because of the fact that Bing is hosted on a server, with an uplink rumoured to be 40 MegaBots wide. This serving capacity, would provide Main Courses to 57 People per hour. To get a Michelin Star, a Server must have the capacity for 87 Mains and 11 Desserts per hour.
Development cycle[edit]
- January '07: Microspit drop subtle hints that they are developing a replacement for Windows Live Search.
- February '07: Microscum announce a release for April 14th 2007.
- April 3 '07: Microstif declare war on Yahooo, and stop development of Bing.
- December '08: Microscat build a server that pipes text to & from Google.com
- January '09: Microscam release Bing, shocking everyone. Yes, Everyone. And it Scared them. Like a horror film...and now they must have some issues I know I do
- January '11: Microscum gets caught by Google , copying their search results.
Fun facts about the piece of crap[edit]
Bing is registered to Microsoft. Nobody knows who these people are, although they developed a program called 'Vista'. This resulted in a mind wipe for the whole population of every country bar France, as they are the only ones who know of this 'Vista'. As they are French, nobody believes them, and there is some speculation that whatever happened to this 'Vista' will happen to Bing.
Bing can be used as a Calculator, although it probably has an algorithm of sorts, that inputs this term into Google and steals the results. Bing has released a mobile version of the 'popular' 'search engine', although the only people who would want to use it on the move are the French, because they've always got a stiff drink with them.
Bing has an advertising campaign touting its accurate results. It cost $18 Gigabillion, and features Mr T 'playing with his Bing'. There is a civil case being undertaken against Microsoft for damage to the sight of 47 Trillion people, due to sight of the Ghastly colour scheme Bing uses.
Daily JPEG[edit]
Before the creation of Bing, everyone used Google for all of their internet searching needs. In order to compete with Google's monopoly, the creators of Bing created a feature known as the Daily JPEG on the search page. Playing off the idea Google had by changing their logo to be themed with various holidays, Bing changed the background image every day.