Barrie

Barrie Barrie's downtown area
Location	Ontario, Canada
Population	At least 100 people
Official languages	Crackhead English (Canadian English is recognized as a minority language)
Founded	1812
Motto	The City Are The People Are The City Are The People

Barrie is a city in Ontario, Canada. It has around 147,000 residents, according to the Totally Non-Fabricated Canadian Census of 2021. The town is mostly inhabited by crackheads, Christians and more crackheads. The town is named after Sir Robert Barrie, a man who rode British military boats for a living.

History

Barrie was created during the War of 1812 as a supply depot of ammunition and methamphetamine for the British Army. In 1833, Sir Robert Barrie arrived in the town using a modified boat capable of driving on land. He was a narcissist and demanded that the locals name the town after him. He prevailed in this after a fierce arm-wrestling battle with the mayor at the time. Tellingly, that mayor's name is still not known — a further argument for not naming the town after the mayor.

In 1869, Barrie had grown to a population of a whopping 3,000 people. Between 1870 and 1890, buildings in Barrie kept catching on fire. When they caught the arsonist, he pleaded in court "I was doing it for the lulz!".

The population of Barrie tripled in the 1980s, coincident with the opening of a Hooters franchise in the city. God, who doesn't like Hooters, punished the city with an F4 tornado that caused $150 million dollars in damages, although due to Canadian inflation, that number is now in the billions.

In 2004, the police found out that a brewery was actually growing weed the whole time. So the police seized it and saved Barrie citizens from the horrors of intoxication by smoking it all themselves.

In 2021, the city's Hooters location closed permanently. The locals could not take it anymore, and weed was oddly unavailable, so they all started smoking crack.

Geography

Barrie's communal public showers

Barrie is in the middle of absolutely nowhere, with farmland surrounding the entire city. Barrie is located on the coast of Lake Simcoe, a lake with positive Google reviews by fishermen, boaters and people who were brave enough to swim in the water. There are also some highways that connect Barrie to the outside world. There are talks of demolishing every highway and road leading out of Barrie to disconnect it from the outside world, but Doug Ford would never let that happen, purely due to his weird fetish for building highways.

Things to do

The most popular activity by far in Barrie is to leave Barrie and go to somewhere better. Here are other popular pastimes:

• Go use the public shower. It is a very important tradition in Barrie.
• Look at the crackheads
• Go drinking at the bars
• Look at the statues around the city, such as the City Hall Monument, a penis-shaped metal structure that stands over Mulcaster Street
• Leave and go home

Places better than Barrie

• Toronto, although just barely
• Orillia
• Penetanguishene (although it is a barren place)
• Elmvale