Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 8

August 8: For God's Sake Leave Your Bloody Cellphone Alone for 5 Minutes Day

• 1005 - An anonymous Native American creates the first selfie while making smoke signals. He steps back to admire his work and falls off a cliff and becomes the first selfie fatality, but not the last.
• 1076 - Hundreds of American Indians die from smoke inhalation after spending too many hours a day chatting using smoke signals.
• 1576 - The cornerstone for Tycho Brahe's Uraniborg observatory is laid. The first Borg was sighted 3 years later, some 4.7 parsecs away.
• 1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte can't get any sig on the island of St. Helena.
• 1876 - Thomas Edison receives a patent for his mimeograph, which duplicates mimes.
• 1940 - The German Luftwaffe begin bombarding Great Britain with international text messages carrying sky-high roaming rates.
• 1961 - Birthday of U2's The Edge, as well as his twin brother, The Corner.
• 1984 - Popular peeps put pagers in their pants for personal perversion.
• 2004 - Fay Wray, American actress (b. 1907), passes away, after slipping on an enormous banana peel.
• 2008 - Wait just a sec, I have a call. Hello? Yeah. Yeah. No, they're right here. I don't know, something about an anniversary. Hah, yeah, I know. And that stupid-looking hat, yeah. Oh, sorry, I gotta let you go.
• 2009 - Shit, sorry, this is the last call, I promise. Hey. It's on the counter. It's on the counter. On the counter. The counter. On the - it's on the FUCKING COUNTER! THE COUNTER! ON THE COUNTER!