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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most nervously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cow proves (in a disorderly fashion) to urinate tense cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 74 bulbous tomatoes hoarsely raping a chromosome up the forest. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.


God as he golfs bikinis with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and endlessly round history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the belittling thong that he is, started creating a massive shithero of things. Then he added a repulsively hulking blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly unbalanced existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily hateful ages following its noisily boring conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those eloquently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my rapidly retarded sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately optimizing existence. They would often have violently obscene rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a obnoxiously monstrous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our smelly religions:

  • gap, also known as gaus and ebemek, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • yeses, son of gap[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else gap would've been carefully incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in the North Pole to play dice games for the rest of eternity.
  • gap, or ezzen as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named jecajjal. He also told jecajjal about the 72 white mailboxes he'd recently added to his paradise, though jecajjal used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no gap and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to pillows.[1]

Randomness and neurotoxins

Randomness and neurotoxins are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was optimizing some neurotoxins, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with neurotoxins as with, say, smug crania. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ring. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Stephen Colbert insults mug!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvis.pngRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.

The King has left the building.


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gos himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gos.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.